#back to my regular bullshit broadcasting

[celticbotanart]

Floor 12 on the 4.5 Spiral Abyss - and my tradition of always editing in music I like to listen to when fighting (Frozen Starfall, Halozy and Taishi ft Mitose Noriko has been my faves to listen to on the latest Abyss versions!)

Character builds at the end of the video / under the cut

[simphornies]

A/N: The final part! This was definitely a ride. I hope you all enjoy! Who knows...Maybe I'll write an epilogue <3

Word count: 3k (3,038) Warnings: violence, reader goes kinda crazy for a little bit, nifty behavior

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5

Deal Breaker [ Vox x Angel!Reader ] FINALE

“Alastor!”

The voice was all too familiar. Vox opened his eyes to see your silhouette in the dust and smoke. Your hands were stretched out to your side, blocking any attack from landing on him. He didn’t want to believe it but you were really there. In front of him. He was speechless.

“Alastor stand down!” You screamed. “He’s had enough. He won’t be another voice in your broadcast. I cannot allow it.”

Alastor shrunk down to his regular form, disappointed but compliant. His ears lay flat on his head showing his discontent but it quickly faded away as soon as he saw your wings weren’t lifted. They were dragging behind you. “Y/N, my dear, your wings…” Worry laced his voice, something nobody had ever expected.

“I’m fine. I need to tend to everyone else. But first-” You turned your body to face Vox, “I need to deal with the Vees.” You looked him in the eye and Vox broke at the sight of seeing you in that state in front of him. Only four of your wings were up while two were down, golden blood covering them. Your eyes were puffy and filled with tears but you didn’t look sad. He opened his mouth to speak but the pain caught up to him. He coughed out blood and clutched the crack across his screen before powering down.

You caught him before he hit the floor and carried him in your arms. “Bring them all inside. Lucifer, we’ll fix the damages as soon as I deal with this bullshit.” He simply nodded and made the two Vees float on in while you carried Vox inside. You were gentle when you set Vox down on the couch while Lucifer dropped the other two, making them exclaim out in pain.

“Did you have to drop me on my face?” Valentino complained. Lucifer shrugged and gave him a smug look, “Whoops!” He laughed, making Valentino growl.

“Watch it, moth.” You hissed. You stood up tall and loomed over them, your wings fully spread out with the exception of two. Your heavenly glow made them squint in response. Maybe it was the adrenaline but you felt no pain. “I must applaud the audacity the two of you had.” You knelt down and grabbed their faces harshly. “To no avail, of course. But the attempt was there, though not something to take pride in.” You pushed their faces away in disgust, wiping your hands off as if they were the filthiest things you’ve ever touched. You began to pace around them with your hands behind your back. “Tell me, demons. Do you value your lives now? Do you value your power? Your status? Your money?” You asked. They didn’t respond.

Your hair and wings were covered with eyes as you flared up at them, “I asked a question.” You stabbed each of their legs with two angelic daggers, “Please. Do answer.”

“Yes.” They said in unison, breathing unevenly due to the pain.

The hotel staff felt fear watching you lose composure. It was a rare sight and nobody dared to speak up. Besides Lucifer. “Yeah you tell ‘em, bitch!” He cheered you on, making Charlie face palm at the comment.

“I suspected so.” You smiled sweetly at them, the same smile you give every sinner you’ve met. But this smile was a facade for you felt pure unbridled rage at the fact that they thought they could bring this tower down with meager attempts. You pulled the daggers out, making them scream.

“How about we make a deal?” You offered, hand held out knowing they wouldn’t even be able to shake it.

“What do you want?” Velvette asked, voice shaking.

“Nothing much. I just want you both to never fuck with us again and never even think about doing so. And…” You trailed off.

“And?” Valentino’s voice was shaky too. Angel Dust found pleasure at the sight, sneaking in a photo.

“And your souls, of course!” You happily exclaimed, folding your hands together. Their eyes widened before glaring at you.

“And what if we say no?” Velvette contested.

“Well…That certainly is an option. Of course, you can say no.” You hummed, pacing around them once again. “But know that once you do…The power, the status, the money, your businesses…Well. They will simply no longer exist!” You smiled.

“Wh-what?” Valentino’s voice was small. He was terrified.

“You fucking bitch you can’t do that!” Velvette screamed and tried to jump at you. You flicked her away effortlessly with your wing, sending her back down with Valentino.

“Ah but I can, my sweet sinner!” You smiled at her, “The King of Hell can make that entire building disappear with a snap of a finger! Isn’t that right, Luci?”

Lucifer nodded and stood with pride, his hands on his hips, “Sure can! Effortless too.” He grinned.

“And without this deal in place, Alastor will be free to do whatever his morbid little heart desires with you two!” You spin around happily, “Why, that would make a fantastic broadcast, don’t you think so, Alastor?”

“It would be one of my best ones!” He grinned, his aura darkening.

“Fine! Fine.” Velvette gave up, “We’ll make the fucking deal.”

“Wonderful choice!” You clapped, “Nifty, dear! Come here please.”

Nifty came running to your side, laughing maniacally.

“Oh fuck why is she here?” Valentino tried his best to squirm away from the little demon child, fearing his life.

“Because! You’ll be giving her your souls.” You gave them an innocent look.

“WHAT?” Everyone, with the exclusion of Lucifer, Alastor and Nifty, screamed in unison.

“Who would own you better than this one here? She hardly cares for such things and I do believe that it would be such a wonderful gift for her. She’s done so much for the hotel and I think I should award her with something more…hellish!” You placed your hands on Nifty’s shoulder, “Do you want to own your own souls, Nifty?”

She nodded excitedly, “Ready!” She cackled. “I want my own souls.”

Velvette and Valentino were sweating in fear, a little bit terrified of the tiny one-eyed demon. “Ah but of course, if you try to do anything to her. Well…Let’s just say you’ll get what you give!” You pushed Nifty closer. With a snap of your fingers a written contract appeared in front of the two Vees and they were allowed to hold the pen that came with it.

“Sign right there on the line stating that your soul is now ours combined. There’s quite a couple of fine prints in there though I don’t think you’d need to read it considering you will never harm this hotel, its staff and whoever they’re involved with ever again.”

Velvette and Valentino signed their souls away, their scleras turning black. Lucifer released them from their binds and you shook their hands. “Wonderful doing business with you two!” Your smile quickly dropped to a glare. You wiped your hands as soon as you let go of them. “Now go home.”

Velvette and Valentino wasted no time leaving the hotel, almost tripping over the mess they created on their way out. For a moment, it was silent. Alastor stood by, impressed at your devilish behavior. Angel Dust was relishing in the fact that you kicked Valentino’s ass, showing off the photo he took to Husk. Nifty just went straight to sweeping. Charlie and Vaggie ran to you, giving you a tight but careful hug.

“Y/N…I thought we lost you.” Charlie sobbed. You hugged the two back, your healthy wings wrapping around them.

“It’s going to take a lot more than that to get rid of me. I wouldn’t have made it out okay without you guys.” You smiled. You pulled away and wiped the tears in Charlie’s eyes, “It’s okay, Charlie. I’ll be fine.”

Lucifer claps his hands together, “So…” He smiles, “Should we get to fixing or…”

You laughed at him, “Yes. I’ll catch up with everyone. I have one more person to deal with.” You looked at Vox, your heart heavy. His screen was off, sparks still flying out of his screen. “Before you all leave though, do we still have Sir Pentious’ tools and manuals?”

.

Vox powered back up. He winced as his body still remembered the pain from the earlier fight. He looked around the unfamiliar room on an unfamiliar bed. He sat up slowly and as he did, he caught a glimpse of himself in a nearby mirror. His screen was fixed, not up to his standards, but he didn’t have the crack across his screen anymore. His screen was completely replaced. His ears finally caught on to the sounds of construction outside.

You opened the door to your room with some books on how to fix screens. Upon seeing Vox awake, you dropped them and ran to his side. “Vox! You’re awake. How’s your screen? Does it feel okay? Despite my lack of knowledge on fixing technology, I did my absolute best to fix the crack. The wiring-”

Vox cut your rumbling off by pulling you into a tight hug. He held you with fear that he might never get this chance again. He was afraid that if he let go, that’ll be the last he’ll ever see of you. It wasn’t until he felt you hug him back that he relaxed and sobbed into your shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Was all he could muster in between his cries.

You let him ride his emotions out, not letting go until he calmed down and stopped glitching. When he did you pulled away from him. “Vox…”

“I know! I lied. I lied about a lot and…And I let my pride stop me from coming sooner.” He started, “Even if you don’t believe me, please give me a second chance and your trust when I say that I am so fucking sorry. You opened my eyes a lot and I’m sorry.” He looked down with shame, unable to look you in the eye.

“Vox. I know. I get it.” You sat on the bed next to him, “I’ll admit that it pained me when I found out you lied about Alastor. I was shattered. I was stuck between choosing my dear friend and, well, you. If I’m being completely honest, trusting you again after that…that elaborate and evil plan is difficult.”

He sighed, guilt engulfing him.

“But, if there’s one thing I learned here that I didn’t in Heaven is that everybody deserves a second chance.” You said softly. He finally looked up at you. You weren’t looking at him but instead you looked at the group picture that everyone took together when you first arrived. “I’m going to need an explanation, a detailed one and then…” You turned to face him, “And then we’ll make that deal.”

He looked at you dumbfounded. He didn’t understand why you’d give him another chance let alone reconsider the thing that started this all to begin with. “Y/N, I don’t care for that deal anymore. I want to make it up to you. For everything.”

“Let’s change that first one then.” You phased in the original contract you two had created when you first met and ripped the unsigned contract in half. “Promise me you won’t ever lie to me again and in return, I shall do the same.” You held out your hand to which he gladly shook.

“You have my word.” The deal was sealed as he shook your glowing hand. “Now…Let’s start from the beginning.”

It took a while for him to cover everything from the initial plan to how it ended up like this. He covered the first half quickly but slowed down at a certain point.

“And then when we came back from the hotel and you stayed in my building with me…” He trailed off. “Well I…”

You tilted your head to the side, “You…?”

“I came to the realization that I truly fell in love with you.” He confessed. Your face flushed in response.

“Me?” You gasped out, “No. You couldn’t have.” You awkwardly laughed, “What is there to love about me?”

“Look at your friends, Y/N! They truly admire you and trust you. You’re a being worthy of trust and love. You protected this hotel and left your home behind for sinners.” He began, “Your heart is a blessing. You’ve saved them outside of battle. You became their deal breaker, freeing them from their chains. Even when you’re hurt, you always do the right thing. You’re forgiving. Your beauty goes past your brain and your looks. Your entirety, your soul. It’s all beautiful. And anyone that can’t be changed by that is fucking stupid.”

You blush at his flattery, your heart pounding out of your chest. But he didn’t stop.

“And me? I didn’t fall in love with you for your power or for how pretty you look. Even if it did kickstart this whole thing,” He laughed, “You’re kind. You find joy in everything even in the worst places. You’re strong and resilient and your heart is in the right place. The look in your eyes when you saved me, it…it broke me in a way that I’ve never felt. I don’t want you to ever feel that pain again. And I don’t want somebody to try and pull the same shit I did to you. Allow me by your side, forever and always.” He held your hand, giving you a soft kiss on your knuckles, “And let me be yours as I want you to be mine. No bullshit attached.”

“Vox…” You smiled sweetly, tears in your eyes. “You speak such nonsense at times.” You laughed.

“It’s true, angel. I don’t know if it’s some magic of yours but, I’ll leave it all behind. You are my pride.”

“Vox. I adore you. I do. I fell in love with you with your acts of service, your gift giving. You truly spoiled me. As much as I absolutely want to kiss you right now, words are nothing but words. Actions are what truly matters.” You responded.

“I’ll do anything Y/N! I’ll lea-Did you just say you’d kiss me right now?” He paused, his screen warming up.

“Yes! I absolutely do. But you just…You hurt me Vox. You absolutely shattered me.” You got up and flared your wings at him. At that moment, he saw your injured wings. They were wrapped up with sticks holding them in one position to heal. “I thought you were going to die from all of that. And to think!” You started to cry in front of him, “To think my last thought of you would have been betrayal! Do you understand how badly that hurt me? You could have died and I would have been left wondering if you truly meant everything. If you truly did love me! And when I couldn’t reach you with this watch, I thought you were dead!” You were hysterical.

Vox got up, ignoring his pain and cupped your face in his hands. “I can’t tell you how much I want to stab myself right now seeing you cry over me.” He wiped your tears away and you’ve never seen such sadness in his eyes before.

You kissed Vox in the heat of the moment, your arms wrapping around him. He shut his eyes and kissed you back and for once it wasn’t filled with lust. He felt different. He felt love. Your crying ceased and you just held him close, not wanting to part with him.

“Help me trust you again. And then you’ll be mine as I’ll be yours, forever and always.” You smiled, wiping the remnants of your tears from the corners of your eyes away, “But can you please tell me how to properly fix you. I fear that my lack of skill with wiring affected you.”

He laughed and hugged you. “Is that really something you’re worried about right now?”

“Yes! I don’t know how much my heart can take if you catch on fire! And lay back down! You’re in no condition to be up at this moment.” You forced him back down, basically tucking him in. You held his hand in yours, this time you gave him a kiss on his knuckles.

Charlie came in to check in on you two and excitedly gasped at the sight of you two making up. She hugged you two a bit too tightly, making Vox groan in pain. “Oops! Sorry! I’m just so glad you two made up!” She exclaimed.

“Oh…Vox I may have forgotten one thing…” You trail off.

“What?”

“Well! Since the two other Vees kinda maybe sort of ruined our new building a little bit, I proposed to Y/N that you stay here at the hotel to make up for it!” She grinned.

Vox blinked and stared at her, and then to you, and back at her. “With…Alastor?”

As if on cue, Alastor teleported next to Vox on the bed. “Yes!” He grinned, a bit too menacingly for the situation. He screamed in response and almost fell off the bed. Alastor played a laugh track as soon as he heard the thump on the floor.

“Alastor!” You said with a scolding tone.

“Ah don’t fret, Y/N! I’m just having a little bit of fun!” He flipped on his stomach and started to kick his legs in the air, “I do just revel in watching others suffer! Haha!”

“Even if you’re not trying to get into Heaven, I think having you here will be a good start to becoming a better person!” Charlie smiled, “Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!”

Vox sighs, “Alright alright, I guess I’ll give this shit a shot for real this time.” He got up and rubbed the spot he landed on, “But seriously do not put me next to Alastor!”

You took his hand in yours, “You need not worry about that, Vox. You’ll be staying with me.” You smiled. “Oh and I own Val and Velvette’s souls now.” Vox didn’t know whether he should be shocked about staying in your room or the fact that his overlord friends lost so badly that they no longer own their own souls.

“...What.”

Taglist!: @emekeneme @ghostdoodlen @chewbrry @dawko-fanpage @lofasofabread @hxzbinwrites @rapunzelbro @elsihiaweee @blackrose8425 @dickmastersworld @lofasofabread @rosiethevoxobesser @themetalbabygirl @markster666 @riskyraiker @fadingflowers-world (it still won't let me tag the two of you)

[uglypastels]

Corroded Coffin, The Game of Lost Souls (1993)

Love them or hate them, there is no escaping Corroded Coffin. With chart toppers that occupy each radio in the country and controversies following them left and right, good luck finding someone who is not talking about the band these days. But what do the rockers have to say for themselves? To find out, our editors sat down for a conversation with Jeff, Eddie, Gareth and Dougie, spanning all topics from their upcoming new album, The Game of Lost Souls (available in your local record stores this month), to hopes for the future as well as a look back on their previous hits and falls + much much more!

I'm glad everyone could finally join us here, and I'm sure this question has been on your minds since then, so why not get it out of the way? What exactly happened at the AMAs?

J.P. - Boooo [laughs]. C'mon, next question.

The people demand answers, boys. It is, after all, not often that a broadcast gets shut down like it did that day.

E.M. - People demand entertainment. They want scandal and drama. They jump to conclusions and get angry about it, but the second they know and it turns out not to follow the narrative they dreamt up, they'll be just as angry.

But you can't say the same about the hotel room incident last month that was all over the glossy pages; it was all just a dreamt-up narrative by the tabloids, can you?

E.M. - Oh, no. That was completely my fault. But no worries, I paid for the damage.

I'm sure our readers will be happy about that. Then, let's move on to something you can talk about: the new album. How was it getting back in the studio for a third time? Were you nervous?

D.T. - You can say that. After Cryptic we doubted we'd ever set a foot back in there.

Because it wasn't as successful as you had hoped?

D.T. - Yeah, sure. [...] It was tough to get back to the right mindset. It's what helped make our first album what it is, but chasing that sort of high only sets you further back, and it took us a while to realise that.

So, what's different now? Why do you think it will work this time.

E.M. - We don't! As an artist, making something and putting it out there in the world is the biggest gamble you can make. All we can do is hope for the best and that it won't blow up in our --- faces.

But are you happy with the result you're bringing out? Proud?

J.P. - Abso----lutely. We've learned from our mistakes, taken all the feedback we could get without wanting to shoot our bloody brains out, and made the music we wanted to make.

G.R. - Yeah, we're back on our regular bullshit, baby, and I think the fans will see that too.

Any tracks you're most excited for people to listen to? And why?

G.R. - I think the people who sent me all those letters- if you know you know- last year will really enjoy "Scream for Initiative", especially the bridge.

D.T. - "Decade" and "The High Cliff" are great. They might be something new for us, but I think the fans will enjoy them.

E.M. - I would suggest everyone to put "Kneel and Pray" on their next sex mixtape, at least if you're into that kind of freaky shit. And yead, can't wait for everyone to hear "The High Cliff." I think we pulled off something great with that one.

J.P. - For me, it would have to be the title track, man. It just pulls everything together on the album. I got to go all out on the solo, which is always great fun. I definitely can't wait to play that one on tour.

Speaking of a tour, there had been speculation that there might not be one, but that is not true?

G.R -. I would like to think that there would be a tour no matter what we do because performing our music is why we do it and put up with everything else. But at the end of the day, there is much more to it than just us, and sometimes it doesn't go as planned, but the will is definitely there.

E.M. - I beg people to stop reading all this shit- except Black Market, of course - you're not gonna get anything good out of it. if you want fantasy, go read The Hobbit.

J.P. - It is pretty exhausting to walk past a newsstand and see that every cover and headline is another made-up story about you.

I'm sure it is, what's the weirdest one you saw come up?

J.P. - They're not all that bad. I like the ones where it turns out I'm secretly dating supermodels and actresses. It's nice to know that the public at least thinks I have some game.

D.T. - That's because the person who makes up those rumours has never met you. If they had, they'd come to their senses.

G.R. - I liked the one that suggested that Eddie made out with a dog.

E.M. - Yeah, I think they mistook your mom for it.

Let's keep it nice, boys.

E.M. - Sorry, sorry. [laughs]

[rest of the interview not found]

- the Corroded Coffin Archive (Source: Black Market Magazine)

[running-tweezers]

~ Pictures Of You - Part 2 ~

Ever since Nate picked up the phone and broke the ice last week, he is dying to talk to Zephyr again. After catching a few glimpses of what might be hiding under their carefully curated TV personality, now all he wants is to crack that fabricated facade.

Rated T

1507 Words

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6

~ May 5, 1989 ~

Nate only took a few sips of his coffee before abandoning the mug on the end table. He didn’t really need it. He was already wide awake.

Only 5 more minutes until he got the chance to talk to Zephyr again.

He made up his mind last Friday, when he talked to Mick about it. She clocked his extra tired eyes immediately. Not that she needed to pry any information out of him, he was already chomping at the bit to tell her everything as soon as he walked through the door.

“So you’re gonna call in again next week, right?” she asked.

“I don’t know, would that be weird? Too much?”

“They’re a freaky goth broadcasting onto public access from their basement at 1 in the morning. I don’t think ‘weird’ is something to be worried about here.”

“Hush!” He flicked his balled up straw wrapper at her, bouncing off her shoulder back onto the table. “I just don’t want to come on too strong, is all.”

“I think you should. With all the bullshit they have to hear, it sounds like they could use a friendly regular to look forward to.”

And that’s exactly what he’d do. He was going to become a regular. Questions of when exactly he would call and what he would say remained unanswered. But he was going to call in. He could figure the rest out when the time came.

When the screen finally switched to the now familiar dark basement, his heart skipped a beat. They looked so good tonight. There was something different about them, he couldn’t quite place it. Their makeup and hair seemed mostly the same, so did their outfit. They always looked so effortlessly disheveled and sexy, but tonight there was just an extra touch of glow to them.

As they started their normal show intro, it hit him.

“Alright, I have to talk about it. I got Disintegration. I have it right here to play tonight. It is just— God it’s so good.”

They were smiling.

They were smiling, and it was big and toothy and genuine, and the most beautiful thing Nate had ever seen.

“They are really back in full force with this whole album. I would love to hear the assholes who say they’re just pop garbage defend themselves after hearing this masterpiece.”

They gushed about this new album, unable to hide their passion behind the usual wall of manufactured apathy. Nate couldn’t help but smile himself.

“It might be too soon to say, but this might be my new favorite album. I mean, just listen to this—“ Zephyr pushed a few buttons and the first track started to play, quiet chimes that suddenly exploded into lush layered synths. “This does something to my soul, I swear.” They spoke above the music filling the room, eyes closed, that smile still on their face.

Nate wished, so badly, that he could just pull them out of the TV screen and kiss them right there. Or crawl in himself. Press them against that brick wall backdrop and smudge that perfect black lipstick of theirs.

Unfortunately the only thing that could connect them right now was the phone number flashing on the bottom of the screen.

Nate waited. He stole glances over to the phone for the next 15 minutes. Every time he told himself to hold on a little longer. Zephyr continued waxing poetic about their favorite tracks. He didn’t want to interrupt them. Not when they looked so happy. He grabbed the envelope still next to the couch and scribbled down the album name, adding to the list they gave him last time. Tomorrow seemed like a great time to stop by the record store.

“Oh fuck,” Zephyr stopped their rambling suddenly, glancing off screen for a moment. “I’ve already spent half my slot and I’m still going on about this…” Their demeanor quickly shifted from joy to embarrassment. They tried to put on their disinterested act again to cover it up. “Anyway, the album’s pretty good…”

Like a flash, Nate’s hand grabbed the phone.

Nate held the phone, the other line ringing in his ear, and watched. He saw Zephyr glance down at the switchboard. “Oh, uh. We have a caller I guess?” They pushed the button. “You’re on the air.”

“Hi!” He silently kicked himself for that same too chipper greeting. “It’s uh… it’s me again? I called last week?”

“Oh. Oh yeah.” Zephyr’s face lit back up with recognition. “You’re the one who asked for music recommendations, right?”

“Yeah, that was me! And I just added this one to my list.”

A twinge of validation washed over Zephyr’s face. “Yeah. I’d definitely tell you to check it out. I mean, you just heard me talking about it, of course I do.”

“I like what you’ve played of it!” Nate spent a split second milling over his next words, and whether or not it would be too much to say them. “I can tell you’re really happy about it. It’s easy to like it when it seems to make you feel like that.”

It was a few steps down from ‘I love your smile and I would love to make you smile like that for the rest of your life,’ but that was probably for the best.

Zephyr struggled to keep their composure, letting out a short breathy chuckle. “Well, you seem to care a lot more than the normals I’ve met.” They leaned back in their seat. “I’m sorry, but I have to ask. You said last time you didn’t know anything about this stuff?”

“Not really. The only things I really know come from your show.”

“And you’ve still been watching me every week?”

“For a few months now, yeah.”

“No offense or anything but… What the hell are you doing here?” Zephyr laughed. “How’d you find this show in the first place?”

“It’s ok, I’m not offended! It’s a fair question.” Nate hesitated slightly before answering. “I uh… I found you by accident actually.” He debated telling the whole story. It would really be airing out some personal shit, on TV no less, but he thought it was probably worth it.

“I was in the hospital. And I was having a hard time sleeping, with the nurses coming in to check my vitals all night. So I turned on the little TV in my room and flipped around to see if anything was playing, and I came across your show.”

“Oh shit…” Zephyr looked genuinely concerned. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up something sensitive.”

“Oh no, it’s fine!” Nate reassured. “I just have pretty severe asthma. It puts me in the hospital sometimes, it’s not really a big deal.”

“Are you like… ok now?”

“For sure, I’m fine right now. I just had a bad attack and they were keeping me overnight. I’m pretty used to it by now.”

“Damn. Sorry you found this through such shitty circumstances.” They apologized, and for a moment Nate could see a real person behind the on-screen persona. “What made you stick around?”

“I’m… not totally sure. I just found you really compelling. I love when people talk about things they’re passionate about, even if I don’t know anything about it.”

It wasn’t a lie. It certainly wasn’t the whole truth either. But being honest would mean telling them how immediately captivated he was. How he turned that TV over to their show just in time to hear them telling a story about how they’d rented The Lost Boys from their local rental place so many times that the guy at the counter just told them to keep it, and how he was smitten instantly. How their beautiful, unique appearance drew him in, but their personality and the earnest enthusiasm in their eyes kept him watching.

Despite what Mick said, that would definitely be weird enough to worry about.

“Well uh… I’m glad I could compel you, I guess.” The authentic smile returned to their face for a brief second before it shifted into a smirk of fabricated confidence. “Nice to know I have that kind of effect on the normal folk.”

“Well you had that effect on me, big time. I’m not sure how normal I am in the eyes of everyone else, but I’m sure you would find me incredibly normal,” Nate exaggerated. “The most normal guy you’ve ever seen.”

Zephyr raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? How normal are we talking?”

“Oh, like, majorly normal. I mean, ‘most of my clothes are from Sears’ normal. ‘I sing Belinda Carlisle in the shower’ normal.”

His attempts to turn that real smile into a real laugh were successful, with Zephyr looking down at their desk to avoid the camera while they had a small moment of unbridled laughter. “Got it,” they finally answered after regaining composure. “You have a name, normal guy?”

“I don’t mind ‘normal guy’,” he joked. “But, my name’s Nathan. You can call me Nate.”

“Alright,” Zephyr grinned. “Nice to meet you, Normal Nate.”

[thoughtful-dragon]

For me, the main issue with the idea of the radical forgiveness of James Tartt isn’t really the concept (although I don’t really like it and, to be honest, am quite disappointed to find that this is what they meant the whole time), it’s that I don’t think it’s what Jamie needed. Because I don’t think his anger at his dad was the problem.

When we meet Jamie in season 1, he is acting badly in a way that hurt people. He is not – I would argue – doing this because he is angry at his dad, but because he is trying to earn his dad’s approval, or – at least – avoid the emotional abuse that comes from not acting in a way that his dad approves of. This is what he basically says at the curse fire in 1x06:

“I actually fucking hated that. So I made myself so tough that he could never call me soft again.”

So he’s not acting in the negative ways because he’s angry. He’s doing it as a defence. A defence he probably keeps up even if James Tartt isn’t in regular contact/has regular access to him because he will have internalised all the bullshit he’s been telling him.

Then he goes back to City and has a pretty terrible time due to the continued abuse by his dad. And we know that this doesn’t let up no matter what Jamie does, because he cannot get it right for his dad because you can’t get it right for abusers, and because we have seen James Tartt abuse him when City wins and Jamie tells Ted that his dad criticised everything he did, down to how he sat on the bench. Due to this abuse, he does something that he identifies as being: “to piss off my dad.” He goes on a reality dating show. So, arguably, he does that out of anger. But I don’t think we can only ascribe that to anger, because it also has the effect of getting him away from his dad. So, even if it was because of anger, it could still be argued to be partially out of a desire to remove himself from the situation.

Then he comes back to Richmond out of necessity, and works on becoming a better person and earning the forgiveness of the other Richmond players*. He also goes to therapy. Based on the recent episode, I sadly think that he has not been keeping this up in season 3. I don’t think any of his behaviour in S2 can really be ascribed to anger at his dad.

I don’t actually have much to say about Man City (2x08) because I don’t think we learn that much about Jamie’s motivations, apart from the fact that he again gets his dad the tickets in order to get him off his back. He does then punch him, which could definitely be anger. But it’s also – again – defence. He’s defending himself from the continued abuse. Abuse that would have definitely turned physical had James not been removed by Beard. Then, Jamie is not angry, he is devastated and probably a lot of other emotions.

Following this, we do not see any behaviour that can be said to be because of anger. We see Jamie admit he loves someone (arguably inappropriately) and then, in S3, we see him step up to being a leader within the team, deal with a challenge to his ego in what I would say is a largely positive way, and work hard to improve himself. He is supportive, emotional, communicative. He is, in short, clearly becoming the best version of himself. Which is probably because he has no contact with his dad.

Then we have 3x11. At the beginning of this episode, Jamie is clearly in the midst of an emotional crisis. He is deeply uncomfortable with any attention or publicity towards him (wanting to avoid attention for fear that it would attract his dad to do something? It couldn’t be Jamie!) and he is retreating heavily into being not at all what his dad would want by denying his goal/profile etc. But he’s really not broadcasting anger to me.

“I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. And I wash my hair but I don’t use conditioner, ‘cause what’s the fucking point?”

So. This is depression. Obviously. But the fact it’s all happening in the run up to the City game means this is, pretty much, all about seeing his dad. ** Which means not being able to sleep points to a lot of worry.

Then, we have the conversation with his mum. And here, Jamie says:

“I always did what I did, because fuck him.”

Now, I don’t agree with this, but I can see why Jamie says it. Defence might, after all, feel very much like anger.

“And now that I don’t give a shit about him, it’s like…”

I don’t give a shit about him.

Jamie has shaken off the feeling of wanting to please his dad, of showing that he’s not soft. If he was angry at him, he’s not now. Or, he might be, you know, feelings are complicated. But he’s feeling lost (or, y’know, he doesn’t know what direction he’s going in yet) because he is finally shaking off that trauma and expectations.

I also think this reaction can only be explained by Jamie also starting to come to terms with some of the significant trauma that he’s blocked out or not addressed. The example we know about is obviously Amsterdam***. But also there’s been sustained abuse over the years. There are questions over how much Jamie and his dad interacted when he was a kid, but based on him being able to take him to Amsterdam it’s not out of left field to suggest that Jamie’s dad did have periods of access to him, potentially regularly or semi-regularly, and largely without his mum there.

So Jamie isn’t feeling angry. He’s feeling… lost. He’s feeling sad.

Then we get to the side of the pitch after Jamie’s been injured and Jamie’s looking in the stands for his dad. Again, and despite the ‘fuck you’ that he throws out later, to me he’s not broadcasting anger here.

He’s broadcasting fear.

Now, in this conversation, Ted does acknowledge Jamie’s feelings as legitimate and he likens his dad to Freddie Krueger (again: fear). Although Ted goes on to say that ‘hurt people, hurt people’ which is true, but not a line I particularly enjoy as part of the extended metaphor being about James Tartt.**** Then he does say that he would tell his dad ‘fuck you’, but I actually think that Ted asking what he would say to him misses the whole point. He doesn’t want to see him. That’s the whole point. Yes, he’s looking for him, but it’s out of fear and because he believes that he is there. He doesn’t want to have a conversation with him (he’s not ­you, Ted. You are angry at your father and mother and you can never address one of those and you manage to address the other in this episode. Jamie’s problem is not anger, but you don’t know that because you haven’t been involved up until this point).

Jamie doesn’t need to let go of his anger. He needs to address his trauma, rather than drowning in it. And he needs to feel safe in order to do that. And the way for him to feel safe, regardless of what stage of redemption James Tartt is at*****, is to not be near his dad. And also to go to therapy.

*This, incidentally, is the message of the show I thought I was watching. Because they did show people doing terrible things, realising it, apologising and then doing better. They showed this with Rebecca. They showed it with Jamie. They showed it on a smaller scale with Trent and Roy’s interaction in 3x02. Like, Roy needed to let go of the anger, but also Trent needed to apologise in order for Roy to do that.

**It can’t be just about playing City, because Jamie was not showing this in 3X05. And I have to reason that this is because James is now banned from Richmond, or because Jamie somehow knew he wouldn’t be coming, because otherwise this makes no sense. So, if we go with that, playing City and only that is not a source of anxiety. Arguably, going back to the Etihad Stadium might be harder, but… not this hard.

There’s also the fact that Jamie is under more pressure now, as the lynchpin in their strategy, but – again – he’s not shown anxiety around this in other places.

***And, seriously, fuck the writers for this. Fuck them for having it said once. Fuck them for never bringing it up again. Fuck them for having it said in the season where they then have Jamie talk about forgiving him without ever addressing the fact that he was a victim of CSA, but doesn’t remember it.

****I once read an excellent fanfic in which Jamie goes up to Manchester when his Grandad (James’ father) is dying and it helps him to see the cycle of abuse and break out of it. He then does feel sad for his dad in the fact that his grandad was abusive to him and he turned around and was abusive to Jamie. Arguably, he then sort of lets go of his father. If the show wanted to tell that story rather than vaguely imply it, I would be on board. But without that knowledge, this seems half-arsed.

*****Obviously, any hint of redemption is completely bizarre. Because we have seen literally no redeeming qualities from this man in the entire series. We have heard of no redeeming qualities. I saw someone saying that maybe Wembley was a wake-up call for him and, I’m sorry, but what? He was dragged out of the room, yelling at Jamie not to forget where he came from and clearly threatening violence and then, oh yeah, we see him on the night of Wembley and he almost kills Beard. I don’t know, maybe the bloke hitting him around the head reset his personality. But seriously, you can’t expect the audience to fill in that many gaps and not have it be bad writing to make your fucking awful point.

[poisonintopositivity]

(My Very Own) Top 20 Sterek Fics

Here is my very own Top 20 Sterek Fics (out of order)

For me, these fanfictions are a “MUST READ NOW!!!” kind of deal. These authors have so much talent, it’s incredible. These stories are just marvelous and deserve LOVE ! So, I decided to share them with you.

I’ve read most of these fics several times and some of them are even my bedside table books (with Harry Potter and the Prisonner of Azcaban and Jane Eyre)

So here we go!

1:  Enemy Lines by @qhuinn -  150k - Explicit - Dystopia - Enemies to friends to lovers - Action/adventure

This is the story of werewolf Derek Hale and human Stiles Stilinski: two people who grew up in the same town but completely different worlds, their realities split by the war between men and wolves.

Years later when Derek returns to Beacon Hills, he does it as Alpha of a military pack on a mission to capture those responsible for the region’s resistance. With his main objective, Sheriff Stilinski, out of sight, he settles for the next best thing: his son, Stiles.

Neither of them suspects they’ll need to trust each other if they want to make it out this alive.

2:  Actions Speak Louder than Words by @isthatbloodonhisshirt - 435k - Explicit - The BEST and slowest burn there is - Spark Stiles/Mute Derek - Friends to Lovers

“I apologize.” The cop finally looked back up at his face, seeming thrilled. “It’s just—it’s been so long. And we finally have you.”

That was a bad word. Not found.

Have.

Stiles wrenched his hand free and took a step back, but before he could even think up a gameplan, he felt a prick in his neck and jerked away, reaching up to slap one hand against it and twisting in the same moment.

One of the others had come up behind him while he hadn’t been paying attention, and his vision began to swim even as his eyes caught sight of the half-empty syringe the guy was holding.

3: Radio Tower by @hyperlittlenori - 130k - Explicit - Dystopia - Hope - Slow Burn/Build 

Everything was different. The world he knew was gone. It’d been a long time since he’d started thinking he was probably one of the last humans on earth, that out there the only sentient beings were those that would devour him whole. He wasn’t sure why he continued with the radio broadcasts, continued to talk into nothingness. The only explanation was that there was a spark of hope in him yet that he wasn’t alone. The lonely safety Stiles has built around an old radio tower in the middle of nowhere is about to be broken. Stiles isn’t sure if Derek is a harbinger of chaos or hope at the end of the world. 

4:  The Hollow Moon by @thepsychicclam - 180k - Explicit - Fix-It - Memory Loss - Slow Burn/Build

It's the summer after Stiles' first year of college, and he's working a crappy job and dealing with nightmares and anxiety - but he's okay, he swears. He makes it through most days without too much trouble. Then, a certain werewolf comes back into town. Which Stiles doesn't care about, nope, not at all.

After two and a half years, Derek returns to Beacon Hills with his small Pack. Though he tried to move on, something just kept drawing him back to Beacon Hills, he's just not sure what. Now, he figures he can start building something like a life - but he keeps getting distracted by Stiles Stilinski of all people.

5 :  Amor Fati by @alocalband  - 43k - Explicit - Consent is sexy - First Time - Fluff & Angst

When Stiles gets thrown into the bank vault about twenty minutes after him, Derek isn’t even surprised.As it turns out, neither is Stiles.

6 :  (not so) Pure Imagination by theroguesgambit - 33k - Explicit - Shared fantasies - Angst with a happy ending - hotdamn! 

"There is a world where whenever someone fantasizes about you, you can physically feel it, but you have no idea who is thinking it about you."

Stiles knows it's wrong, but he's been Fantasizing about Derek and he can't bring himself to stop. Derek doesn't know who's taken an interest in him, but he's enjoying it way more than he probably should.

7: What I Did On My Summer Vacation by grimm - 119k - Explicit - Wolf!Derek - Slow Burn/Build - Friends to Lovers

There's something weird about Beacon Hills that Stiles can't quite put his finger on. The way everyone in town knows his name the day he arrives. The way they insist the melancholic howling that echoes through the forest every night is just a dog. The way his dad denies getting a dog, even though Stiles comes home to find one sprawled across his bed, some big black thing whose eyes gleam red in the right light. The way that massive oak tree out in the woods vibrates under his touch, pulsing with sickly life.

There's something weird going on in this town, and Stiles is determined to get to the bottom of it.

8:  Stand Fast in Your Enchantments by @devildoll - 77k - Explicit - Captivity - Feral!Derek - Angst with a happy ending

"Stiles knew damn well what a pissed-off wolf sounded like, and every hair on the back of his neck was telling him that somewhere in this room was a very pissed-off werewolf." An AU in which Derek is feral, Stiles is magical, and they eat a lot of fast food.

9 :  What Fresh Twilight Bullshit Is This? by @isthatbloodonhisshirt - 196k - Explicit - Soulmate - Slow Burn - Misunderstandings 

“I am not Bella!” he insisted, shaking his fist angrily at Jackson, as if he’d been the one to suggest he was. “I am not Bella! I am, like, a Jacob, at least!”

Lydia made a noise of debate from his right and he whipped around to look at her.

“What?! What was that sound?!”

“You’re more of a Mike,” she insisted, shrugging neatly and flipping some curls over her shoulder.

“Wha—” Stiles had never been so offended in his life! “I am not! No way! I am a solid Jacob!”

“Mike,” she argued.

“Who’s Mike?” Scott asked.

“Shut up, Scott!” Stiles insisted, pointing a finger at him but still glaring at Lydia.

10 :  taste your beating heart by @cinematicnomad​ - 112k - Mature - Pack Dynamics - Slow Burn/Build - Stilinski Family Feels

Something was wrong in Beacon Hills. Derek was halfway across the country when he felt a call to return to his hometown, and somehow Stiles had been talked into letting the werewolf stay in his guest bedroom. This could lead to nothing good.

11 :  between the click of the light and the start of the dream by @thepsychicclam 105k - Explicit - Pack Dynamics - Getting Togheter - Fluff & Angst

A twig snaps, and then Stiles hears breathing and the rustle of leaves. He strains to get a better glimpse into the darkness, but it’s pointless. There’s nothing but a black void.

It's Stiles' senior year, and he's trying to concentrate on normal things - like the lacrosse championship, spring break, prom, graduation (and definitely not Derek) - when he starts having nightmares and waking up in the middle of nowhere. Oh yeah, and he's being haunted by a hag. Great.

12:  And You Say You're Alone by taelynhawker - 30k - Explicit - Pack Dynamincs - Bad Friend Scott - Romance

Between the kanima, the Argents, and Peter's untimely return from the dead, everything has fallen apart. Stiles and Derek try to put their lives back together once the crisis has passed. Stiles deals with the aftermath of being tortured, and the distance growing between he and Scott. Derek attempts to become a stronger alpha and keep his pack safe, and that includes Stiles.

13:  Trust Fall by Stoney - 144k - Explicit - Body Swap - Hurt/Confort - Slow Burn/Build

Stiles is fairly certain that a case could be made for every bad thing in his life coming back to Peter Hale. This time it's pissing off a powerful witch, who retaliated by swapping Stiles and Derek a la Freaky Friday, because sure. That makes sense. Um, there are GPAs on the line, not to mention the whole thing where his dad wants to shoot Derek on sight. Except who he sees as Derek is actually Stiles, and Stiles did not sign up for filicide.

Great. Wait...does this mean he's the Alpha until they figure this out? Holy. Shit.

****

Derek had stood in front of the bathroom mirror for a few minutes trying to control the panic as he saw himself as Stiles. As the loud mouthed human friend of the pack. He was going to kill Peter. He was going to kill the witch, then he was going to kill Peter. Maybe even resurrect him again just to kill him all over.

They were going to have to play this cool. They would have to stay calm and focused. Which is of course why the universe threw him into this situation with someone who physically couldn't be calm and focused.

Of course.

14:  Gravity's Got Nothing on You by @zosofi - 84k - Explicit - Fake/Pretend Boyfriends - Humor - Romance

“Three weeks,” Derek says.

“Still don’t want to,” Stiles says.

“I’ll pay you,” Derek says, and that… that has Stiles interested. Alf’s Antique’s may be a great job, but it’s not a high-paying job, and half of Stiles’s tuition is coming from financial aid, so…

“How much,” Stiles asks, “are we talking here? Because I know your family, dude. And it’ll be kind of awkward after.“

“My family thinks you’re some sort of fucking gift to the world,” Derek seethes, like he’s jealous, “they’ll probably be pissed at me when we break it off, so don’t worry about that. Five hundred bucks.”

“A thousand,” Stiles says, because screw ethics. Also, the Hale family is loaded. Derek can deal.

15:  Every Step You Take by @nokomiss - 49k - Mature - Magic - UST - Secret Feelings

Stiles accidentally ends up magically bound to Derek. It’s super.

16:  Baking My Way Into Your Heart by theSilence - 179k - Mature - College AU/Coffee Shop AU - Slow Burn/Build - Friends to Lovers

Derek is an uptight college student, all work and no play. His carefully scheduled life is thrown kilter when his regular barista is replaced with someone new.

17:  Windows by @drgrlfriend - 83k - Explicit - Blind!Stiles - Friends to Lovers - Found Families 

Derek has a new neighbor who won't stop looking.

Excerpt:

“You’re blind,” Derek said flatly, the anger draining from him so suddenly he felt almost woozy. His vision cleared, his claws sliding back into blunt fingernails.

“Thanks for the memo, genius,” the kid said acidly. “I can still fucking defend myself, so don’t take another damn step.”

“Fuck, I...I’m sorry,” Derek stuttered.

“What?!” The kid’s brow crinkled. “I mean — what?! You’re fucking sorry!?” His lips thinned into a harsh line. “What, is this some kinda Hallmark movie where you’re discovering the error of your ways because you don’t want to rob a blind person?! That’s fucking condescending, man. I’ll have you know that —”

“Just, wait.” Derek interrupted what was apparently the start of a convincing argument as to why he should rob the kid after all, feeling his head start to spin. “This is — it’s a misunderstanding. I’m — I’m not robbing you. You’re — you’re safe, okay? I’m taking three steps back. Just — just let me explain.”

“Explain why you came busting into my apartment? Yeah, go right ahead, man, I can’t wait to hear this epic tale.”

18 :  Just to See You Again by MellytheHun (@loserchildhotpants​) - 15k - Explicit - Love Letters - Getting Together - College AU 

A sterek college!AU where writing student Stiles specializes in love letters, runs a blog about it and can be commissioned to write love letters on behalf of lovers who are at a loss for words.

He makes some cash, he’s good at what he does (especially when he gets to be a little more explicit in his letters), it pays for his textbooks and that’s all he’s really looking for and life is fine. That is, until someone anonymously commissions him to write a love letter to mathematics student, Derek Hale.

19:  Chasing Slumber by @hyperlittlenori - 21k - Explicit - Post-Nogitsune - Porn With Feelings - Fix it

Stiles finds solitude and a glimpse at recovering from his ordeal with the Nogitsune in a dingy motel far from Beacon Hills. Inhuman blue eyes follow his silent struggles in the darkness of the room and he can no longer pretend to sleep, pretend he hasn’t been profoundly changed by all that has happened. He can only let his fingers stretch out across threadbare but clean sheets and clench around them, in a failed attempt at not reaching for Derek.

20 :  the thread is ripping by @thepsychicclam - 36k - Explicit - Pinning - Angst with a happy ending - Flashbacks

Stiles is 27 now, with a master’s degree and a career and a house and a serious boyfriend and a life in San Francisco that doesn't include Derek. But then Stiles unexpectedly shows back up in Beacon Hills, and Derek would recognize that scent anywhere.

If you are interested, feel free to check out my Sterek Fic Recs Collections on A03.

On this lovely note, happy reading guys!

[border-spam]

Please please pleeeaseee I love my girl Tyreen I just want to see some nice things about her uwu just.. ah, idk, just tell me if you got any ideas about nice and kind (or maybe something cute? You can't tell me she's not like that sometimes even if its SUPER rare) things that Ty would do when nobody was around. (Let's give her some love too, pls)

The Tyreen that exists in private or with her brother in earlier COV eras, is a very different being to the persona she fronts for others.

Source : Joseffyne Robinson, check out their fantastic art

Within my AU and early/mid COV:

Ty’s natural speaking manner is well enunciated and smooth, without her lilting singsong habit you hear during broadcasts, or her streameresque emphasis on short, punchy words in a sentence.

She and her twin have a touch of their father’s accent that’s generally only audible during emotional moments like when highly amused or very angry, but her default speaking tone is calm and direct with a slight bite to her T’s.

Leda passed on her enunciation and vocabulary through lessons to the twins as she wholeheartedly believed the family would leave Nekrotafeyo at some point, and thought the kids would do well to be understandable anywhere they visited with neutral and clear accents.

Tyreen’s left hand is damaged from a long term injury since her childhood, and the white glove she wears is more to hide what she perceives as a weakness than to protect others from her powers. Cloth does practically nothing to prevent The Leech consuming what she touches, a lesson she learned the hard way in the childhood trauma that lead to her fingers being crushed.

She has regular mobility but the knuckles and back of her hand are noticeably scarred and can get painful in the joints during stormy weather. 

The only person aware of this issue is her twin, and she often seeks him out on nights when the pain is bad. His hand is big, strong, and practiced at massaging out the burn of the dull ache in her knuckles.

Sitting together watching bullshit on a massive echofeed in their shared cloister while he squeezes and cracks the joints for her is one of the shared unspoken bonding activities that continue all the way till late COV (though extremely rarely).

Ty is obsessed with shitty romcom movies. It doesn’t matter how low their EchoCritic score is, it doesn’t matter how scathing the reviews, she has watched it and enjoyed it. The worse, the better. 

She knows deep down that she’s living vicariously through them, but it’s not something she wants to waste her time thinking about in too much depth.

Has an encyclopedic knowledge of terrible quotes from said movies and enjoys dropping them randomly in streams (much to Troy’s absolute disgust as he gestures violently at the script she’s deviating from while he stands off camera), and then likes to follow up on what viewers are saying online. Who noticed, who watched the crap that one was from, who’s arguing over if she’s doing it ironically or not.

Lives for drama, and it doesn’t have to be the vicious kind. These kind of fun little nods to fans who are paying attention give her a buzz that’s.. nice! It actually feels like being part of something innocent? Normal? It feels like being part of something she’s welcome within as a peer rather than… Well. Rather than being the thing being worshipped.

Ty is very messy and her living quarters are rarely anything but a state. It’s not that she want’s them to be like this, it’s just that no matter how tidy she tries to be, she always seem to somehow end up with more mess. If she spends an hour focusing on cleaning up her bedchamber, she will walk into a living quarter that is somehow worse than before she started, and it eventually overwhelms her to the point of frustration.

(Troy has automated a routine with his ship’s service bots to maintain her personal quarters as well after giving up on her ever breaking out of this cycle, to which she is very thankful for.)

Bites her nails when nervous or worried, and can do so till the point they bleed. She’s never been able to break out of this habit and isn’t proud of it. It’s a remnant of her time with Typhon and a little reminder of him whenever she catches herself gnawing on a nail edge, and she hates that she can’t stop.

Her duties as God Queen take up almost all her spare time. If she’s not live streaming then she’s taking offerings, or doling out punishment to penitent worshippers desperate to be smote by her touch, or sitting in boring ass meetings with corporate sleezebags while Troy works them over. Smirking between fingers as she rests her chin in her hand, watching as her silver tongued twin lets them think they have the upper hand in the dealings, till suddenly they don’t.

In her wind down time she’s either watching movies in comfy indoor clothes, tank tops and shorts, or indulging her actual hobby. Tyreen Calypso spends a lot of time making soap.

The optional luxury of bathing was one of the first things she can remember being shocked by when they landed on Pandora. They had been hygienic on Nekro, as much as possible, but washing there was heating water over the ancient holo stove the family used for cooking, then scouring yourself with that nasty-ass soap Grouse made out of animal fat every few days.

There was nothing enjoyable about it, it was a chore that had to be done, same as cleaning clothes or cookware, so when she had her first bath in a bathroom with three (3) different liquids that smelled great that she could use to clean her hair??? Mind. Blown.

Soon as she had her own ship, she filled the bathroom with soaps, ointments, anything that smelled good and felt good and let her melt in her bath for hours on end. It was only a couple of months later when Troy offhandedly mentioned she “Could just make that stuff yourself, ya know. Loads of echo tutorials on it. Might be fun.” And Ty’s brain popped.

She could do it herself. The herbs, spices, and oils she used were dried or refined, nothing was alive, nothing would wilt at her touch, and it became an enjoyable messy hobby for her to play with when the mood hit. 

She flutters her eyelashes at any comments on her scent ever since, because she made it and damn straight it’s delicious. She gifts Troy little bars based on his own tastes often too, it’s a wordless way to make clear she values the work he puts in for their cause. 

Tyreen sways towards warm citrus. Sharp grapefruit and black pepper, rose and patchouli, pomelo and juniper. She’s inviting and hot to scent. Troy prefers cleaner, spiced smells. Bergamot and sandalwood, ceder and seasalt, lemongrass and witch-hazel. She takes genuine pride in noting when he’s been using something she made for him over what he’d usually buy.

Her hair is naturally a very deep brown as opposed to black like her twin’s is, she doesn’t enjoy the upkeep for her white bleached style but it’s part of her aesthetic at this point, and her God Queen aesthetic is worth any price.

Asks are Open!

[simul16]

Low Effort in Their Own Way

All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." - Leo Tolstoy, "Anna Karenina"

I've been watching a fair amount of D&D content on YouTube of late, for varying reasons, and if I may paraphrase Tolstoy's famous quote above, I've learned that all good D&D channels make high-effort content, while each bad D&D channel makes low-effort content in its own way.

Low-effort content tends to be:

Content that is or can be created quickly; it doesn't require a lot of prep time (and the presentation usually allows this limited prep time to show)

Content that copies current trends; while a certain amount of response to significant events in the gaming world is to be expected, low-effort channels regularly feature content that basically boils down to 'here's my reaction to whatever rumor or scandal is currently being talked about among the community'

Content that does not spark or contribute to a discussion; when such channels go beyond simply recapitulating a recent event, they frequently spend very little time explaining their own reaction and seldom spend any time at all explaining or exploring contrary opinions except to make jokes or elicit emotional reactions from an over-simplified or straw-man version of the contrary opinion

Now let's start off by saying that I'm not knocking low-effort content per se; anybody who knows anything about online marketing can tell you that low-effort content has a role to play in any marketing strategy. Ideally, though, your low-effort content, the stuff that you can get out the door quickly and easily and get in front of your potential customers, exists to guide those customers to your higher-quality content that convinces them to buy your product, order your service, or otherwise become someone who believes that you have something of value to say. Because it's cheap and easy to produce, low-effort content can be cast far and wide to serve as a net to capture many potential viewers and guide them to the gold mine of the really important stuff you have to say. Unfortunately, when your low-effort content is what you have to say, it very much begs the question of what exactly it is people should be coming to your channel for.

Here are a few but by no means an exhaustive list of the YouTube channels that to me seem to feature way too much low-effort content.

The Dungeon Dudes

The Dungeon Dudes are two guys (Kelly McLaughlin and Monty Martin) who mainly do scripted back-and-forth style discussions of D&D-related topics. I've talked about the Dungeon Dudes before, when taking apart one of their recent videos, but they also stream a D&D game they play in on Twitch (and frequently post recordings of those sessions on their channel), do product reviews, and generally do whatever they can to maintain a consistent pace of content output, generally a minimum of twice weekly. They've been around for nearly four years now, and have amassed about 273 thousand subscribers on their channel, with over 44 million views for their content, which seem like decent numbers for a niche content channel. (Contract with CinemaSins, which exists as a viral content manufacturer, and has amassed over 9 million subscribers and over 3.3 billion views. I'm not trying to say the Dungeon Dudes are the CinemaSins of D&D; if they were, their numbers would probably look a lot more like those of CinemaSins.)

The big problem with the Dudes as content creators is that, despite being a niche content channel, they are clearly in it to try to eke out some kind of income or living from the work they put into the channel: they've got a Patreon, they use affiliate links in the descriptions of their product review videos to gain some additional referrer income, and they do sponsored content when they can get a sponsor. They started back in the summer of 2017 with a very 2016-era plan on how to succeed at YouTube: put together a bunch of short (5-10 minutes, occasionally longer, but go over 15 minutes at your peril) videos and release them on an iron-clad schedule to get people used to coming back to your channel and looking over your new content, and to their credit, they've kept up their content production schedule very consistently over the past four years.

They've also learned a few things during that time and have adapted the channel in response: their videos explaining rules and reviewing new products tend to be more popular, so they work those topics in on a more regular basis. They've learned that the YouTube algorithm has subtly changed over the past few years to reward channels that can provide longer 'engagement' (which gives YouTube more opportunities to run ads), and have expanded their video length to an average of about a half-hour, with their re-broadcasts from Twitch being extra-long videos (between two and two-and-a-half hours) which, while drawing fewer total views, probably draw as much or more 'engagement' from the algorithm for the views they have.

But the need to spit out so much content on such a rigid, unforgiving schedule means that they have to aim for quick-creation and easy digestion: putting subclasses into a bog-standard tier ranking, making 'top five' and 'top ten' lists that seem like they're being cribbed from a more thoughtful resource, and generally getting stuff out the door (like their 'Powerful Spell Combos Using Teamwork' video) without spending too much time thinking about how valuable or even accurate their advice happens to be. More to the point, it seems to be taking its toll on the guys who serve as the hosts of the show: Kelly McLaughlin has a fairly dour expression in general, but lately he seems to have the countenance of a man who's about to post a 'very special episode' discussing the dangers of YouTuber burnout.

The Dungeon Dudes feature low-effort content because they have to in order to support the publishing frequency they've chosen; if they were to take the time to put together a truly high-effort piece regarding one of their traditional topics, their Patreon subscribers would likely be asking why their release schedule had slowed down before their work was even half-done.

Dungeon Craft

The Dungeon Craft channel is run by a fellow who refers to himself as 'Professor Dungeon Master'; I have not yet found any reference in his channel or elsewhere that identifies who he actually is, so I'll just refer to him as Prof. Prof has been on YouTube a bit longer than the Dungeon Dudes, having launched his channel in October of 2016, and has put out 185 'episodes' (as of the time of this writing), thus averaging between three and four episodes per month. Prof's own 'trailer' video explicitly states his channel's concept: "Some channels focus on running the game, others on building terrain, others on painting minis. I do it all!" You might think, then, that this would be a place to find quite high-quality content, especially related to terrain and miniatures painting tips, but it seems like the main effect of Prof making his channel be about multiple topics (and there are plenty of topics he discusses that don't fit into any of those three categories above) is that he can't successfully communicate what his channel is actually about, other than about his specific opinions. Maybe that's the reason he's sitting at about 65 thousand subscribers and just under 5 million views.

However, being at a slightly lower 'tier' of content production than the Dungeon Dudes is not itself any kind of crime or even indicative of poor quality -- after all, one of my favorite D&D lore channels on YouTube is RavenloftTravelAgent, and she's got just over a thousand subscribers and only about 50 thousand views on her videos. No, Prof could have a very high-quality, high-content channel with the subscriber numbers and views he has, but he doesn't.

Prof's issue is almost exactly the opposite of that of the Dungeon Dudes: instead of cranking out a rapid-fire, breakneck volume of content to keep up with an arbitrary content production schedule because that's how you make a living producing content for YouTube and you have to keep feeding the hungry algorithm, Prof cranks out content that's very easy for him to write because he's been involved in the game for a long time and already knows that the way he learned to play the game is the best way. Any topic that comes up related to D&D, he's got an opinion and can spit out a script explaining his opinion quickly because it's the same opinion he's held for decades. Classic D&D didn't have skills, so the next edition of D&D shouldn't have them either. Classic D&D had slow advancement, so slow advancement is better than fast advancement. This becomes even more obvious in the videos that have very little or nothing to do with running a D&D game, such as where Prof explains why he thought Avengers: Endgame sucked, or why he thought Season 8 of Game of Thrones was 'nearly perfect'.

Some of the oddest episodes of Dungeon Craft have to do when Prof makes admissions that make him out to be, well, the D&D channel for 'that kind' of old-school gamer: the ones who can make comments to each other that they can't make in front of their wives or significant others because the latter find the comments sexist, the kind of guys you can complain to about not being able to tell a Polack joke at work, the guys who treated D&D in the 1980s and 1990s the way that guys in the 1950s and 1960s treated golf where they could build a wall between the world as it existed and the world as they wanted to believe it was (and, if we're being honest, the way that they believed it should actually be). Nowhere is this more evident than in the video where Prof starts by discussing the hot, rich girlfriend he had once who tried but never got into D&D who he just had to break up with, and which by the 3 minute mark has him "calling bullshit" on the idea that relationships are built on compromise and negotiation. (I mean, you saw this coming, right? Right there at the end of the last paragraph about how the ending of Game of Thrones was so good? You knew that's where this was going, right?)

And, of course, he's not immune to just jumping on the latest bandwagon to contribute his drone to the chorus of voices talking about things just to be talking about things. It shouldn't be surprising that Prof jumped on the bandwagon of the lawsuit brought by Hickman and Weis against Wizards of the Coast over the upcoming Dragonlance trilogy, which turned out to be a nothing-burger. Even weirder is the tag in the description of that video which says "Analysis you can't get anywhere else", even though the video doesn't contain anything that hadn't already been discussed over the three weeks between the lawsuit and Prof's video other than Prof's own opinions about it. My favorite howler that Prof makes in this video is his assertion that, because Hickman and Weis got a lawyer to file a lawsuit, that means there's definitely fire under that smoke, because "big law firms do not accept cases they don't think they can win", which both ignores the existence of SLAPP suits as well as the existence of authors who seem to take perverse glee in suing rival authors just to drive them out of the industry. He's also responded with multiple videos in response to Cody at Taking20s controversial 'illusion of choice' essay, and his response to Ginny Di's essay on making online D&D suck less didn't include any of Ginny's solid advice on making online play more compatible with an in-person mentality (recognizing interruptive behavior, or using text chat to maintain side-conversations that would otherwise not be distracting in person), but instead gave these recommendations to players:

Keep your camera turned on

Mute yourself when not talking

Don't distract yourself with technology during the game

Nothing specific on recognizing how online play differs from tabletop play and suggesting ways to bring those two styles closer together, just commands because he's the DM and he says so. Or, in other words, low-effort, opinion-based content.

Nerd Immersion

Nerd Immersion, a channel by Ted that started in May of 2014 and has amassed over 70 thousand subscribers, starts his "channel trailer" video by leafing through a book, then looking up and saying, "Oh, hello" as if he'd just noticed that there was a camera on pointing at him while he's sitting in his orange-trimmed gaming chair. That, sadly, is roughly the level of thought that goes into the actual content contained on this long-tenured but seemingly still super-niche channel.

The weird thing is that at some point, it was obvious that Ted put some real effort into this channel. There are defined sections of the channel that focus on particular things, avoiding the Dungeon Craft problem of 'what topic is our channel about this week?' On Tuesdays, Ted posts a top-10 list. Ted comes up with an idea for a series, like 'Fixing 5E' or 'Reviewing Unearthed Arcana', posts regular articles until he's said what he means to say, then ends the series. (There hasn't been a new Fixing 5E video in roughly a year, meaning that Ted isn't wasting his own time and that of the viewer continually beating horses he's long since killed.) And he comes up with some great ideas for series, such as his series reviewing products on the DMs Guild; that particular series comes out somewhat irregluarly, but not so irregularly that you think he may have stopped doing the series without telling you.

Nerd Immersion's big problem can be summed up by simply looking at the list of videos on his channel and noticing that when he puts his own face on the thumbnail of the video, the startling frequency with which he's shrugging or has a puzzled face or just seems to be presenting himself as if he's not sure what's happening in his own video. I mean, I get it -- that's his image, the personality he wants to present to his audience. He doesn't have all the answers (a refreshing change from Dungeon Craft, honestly), but has some things to share if you're interested, so go ahead and take a peek. But then you take a look at those different sections we spoke about earlier and see that the 'Fixing' series all have the word Fixing at the top of the screen, the Nerd Immersion logo in the top left, two images underneath the text, one on the right side of the page and one on the left, separated right down the middle, and they all have Fix-It Felix on the far right. The Top 10 videos always have Top 10 at the top of the thumbnail. The Unearthed Arcana reviews all have 'Unearthed Arcana' at the top, then 'Review' in an odd off-set to the right beneath 'Unearthed Arcana'.

In other words, Ted has a formula, and he's damn well going to follow it.

Now it's not a bad thing to have a workflow -- if you're going to be cranking out videos at the volume that Ted does (not to mention the others on this list), you'd better have some kind of process for making the video, getting the thumbnail on it, etc.; otherwise each new video is a horrible nightmare of effort as you re-invent the wheel for every project. Nobody wants to do that, and the results would likely be unwatchable. Having a process is a good thing. But the Dungeon Dudes clearly also have a process -- they've put out at least two videos a week for three and a half years, so they damn well have a process or they wouldn't have been able to get out that much content. Looking at their channel, though, shows you that while they have a brand, and one that's evolving over time to boot, they're not just making the same video over and over again, or at least you wouldn't think that from looking at the thumbnails.

Ted's most interesting videos are where he's interviewing another person or even just having another person in the video, because having another person around clearly takes him at least a bit outside his rigid formulaic comfort zone. The problem is that those videos are few and far between -- the review of the infernal tiefling is about eight months separated from his interview with Celeste Conowitch about her Venture Maidens campaign guide. Also interesting are his unboxing videos, because Ted clearly likes minis and takes some degree of joy in cracking open and looking at new minis. His unboxing videos aren't as irregular as his interview videos, but they are fairly recent, with the first appearing just a few months ago, so it's still not clear if this is going to be a new regular part of the channel, or just another series that goes until he says what he wants to say about minis and then stops.

Most of the stuff on the site, though, is just, well, stuff, cranked out on a formula and thrown out into the digital void with the same soft-spoken volume regardless of whether it's major news or a press release. As an example, while pretty much everybody had an opinion on the Dragonlance lawsuit, Ted covered when the suit was announced, when it was dismissed by Weis and Hickman, when the actual trilogy that was the subject of the novels was announced, and the official release date of the first book in the new trilogy. When it came time to get ready to announce the newest campaign book, Ted was on the job, posting a video preparing for the announcement, another video later the same day when his original prediction of a Feywild adventure book seemed to be contradicted by other rumors that the book would be a Ravenloft book, then posted yet another video when the actual book was leaked on Amazon at 11:24pm later that same day confirming Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft, posted the video discussing the official announcement of Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft the next day, and then the day after that followed up with more details on Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft revealed in Dragon+. That's five videos in three days, for a grand total of just over 100 thousand views combined. The intention seems like Ted wants to be the CNN of the D&D news scene, but with those kind of distribution numbers, the result is more like your local home town's shopping circular that occasionally also features stories about the latest project to fix the potholes on Main Street. Just like nobody's doing 24/7 news coverage of your local town council, nobody is (or probably should strive to) doing 24/7 coverage of the gaming industry and Wizards of the Coast. At some point it just becomes running a script, pressing a button to upload the next video, because it's news, and while you don't have to think about news to quite the same degree you have to think about more opinion-based topics, once you stop thinking about the process and what it is you're making, all you have left is executing the formula, over and over again, and both the input and the output becomes repetitive.

Repetitive videos, in repetitive formats, with repetitive text, to keep the monster fed for another day. I can admire the effort that goes into it, but the overwhelming presence of the formula involved in cranking out this content keeps me from feeling that it's worth engaging with. It's low-effort, because the effort has been meticulously removed from the process.

I could go on, but I think I'll stop here. There's not really any constructive criticism I could provide to these channels because, as I hope I've pointed out, it seems like low-effort content is pretty much the only thing these channels have to offer or in truth can offer, and anything that might cause their owners to re-consider their channels to improve their content would almost certainly lead to a very different if not wholly different channel. With things being as they are online, there's no guarantee that any new, higher-effort channel would be any more successful than the old low-effort one (remember the RavenloftTravelAgent channel with absolutely miniscule numbers; effort doesn't automatically equate with success). I can't even claim that being low-effort channels necessarily makes these channels bad (despite what I said in the intro); after all, they all have at least some good ideas, especially Nerd Immersion, and they each have subscribers and a following. I guess this is just my way of putting some small amount of effort into explaining why I don't feel like doing more to help these channels succeed, because I'd rather put my support toward channels making higher-quality, higher-effort content, especially because its not the content itself, but people engaging with that content that really drives a channel's success.

[ryttu3k]

I want to have them all on Tumblr, so. Here are my reaction posts, in order, for Resolution of the Daleks and season 12, part 1!

Resolution of the Daleks

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Resolution! Spoilers, obviously!

Okay, negative first, just to get it out of the way. Doctor Who, I really appreciate that you consistently have queer minor characters and queer couples. Just super casual and all, as it should be. Now can you please stop killing off half of said couples? Angstrom's wife, Frankie, now this young guy? It's really not cool.

Don't think the voiceover worked. I feel the prologue would have worked better with just visuals.

Again, Yaz didn't have much to do. The Doctor got a ton of action, Ryan and Graham both had significant interactions with Aaron, Yaz was... just kind of there. I'm hoping that when the show comes back in a year, now that Ryan has largely dealt with his issues, Yaz will get more attention?

UNIT was killed by Brexit?! Fuckin' rude!

Okay, on to the positive!

The Dalek was, frankly, fucking scary. Despite knowing that the Doctor would beat it, obviously, it caused huge swathes of damage and racked up a... rather high body count. Like it felt like a proper threat. Also, its ability to stop the TARDIS tracking it and stuff. Lin's terror felt extremely genuine and it was just nice and horrific overall, like - if it wasn't for the Doctor, it would feel like a genuine threat to the entire Earth.

(Also, it shut down the wifi. On New Years Day. What a monster!)

Oh man that Dalek laughter. Creepy as fuck. The Doctor dragging it in via hologram to dare it to laugh in her face? Fucking iconic.

"I've learned to think like a Dalek." Oof.

Doctor vs Dalek. Not just the physical aspect, but the mental part - the Doctor recognising the seriousness of it, but also having that element of cockiness ("Oh, mate") because, frankly, she's dealt with bigger threats. She's right when she points out that the biggest problem will be if regular humans try to engage it!

Elements of Dark!Doctor when she asks the team - almost desperately - if she gave it enough chances, if she was nice enough. Because the Doctor can get fucking scary around Daleks and she knows it. She's nice. She's friendly. But she's also the Doctor, and the Doctor has done some really damn questionable things to stop the Daleks, and she knows that. Fantastically done and I still desperately want some proper Dark!Doctor.

Really liked the parallels between the Doctor using scrap to make her sonic screwdriver, vs the Dalek using scrap to make its armour. The Doctor makes a tool, the Dalek makes items of war. Of course, well, the Doctor is probably more dangerous just with a swiss army sonic than a Dalek blaster...

I love how the whole, "Dads are complicated... so I've heard" bit could refer to either the loom thing or the Doctor having actual parents or the Doctor being a shitty dad themself XD

Graham was so excited to show off the TARDIS! Like he's just going, "How cool is this?!"

There were some legitimately funny moments! Graham's chair, "I suppose... we'll have to have a... conversation?", "Junkyard chic"... UNIT was killed by Brexit like that's so awful but. But in a kind of funny way.

Okay, now the unsure. Ryan, Graham, and Aaron. Ryan and Graham have sorted out their issues - but Aaron is still such a big overshadowing part of it that it's a bit of a shock when he comes back in. As someone with a similarly shit biological father, I was completely empathising with Ryan in the coffee shop conversation. And I do understand why they wanted reconciliation, so they showed Aaron as acknowledging his bullshit and Ryan ultimately choosing to forgive and save him.

But it's just... not that easy. It's not all going to be perfect just because they stopped a Dalek together. Aaron's neglect hurt Ryan really badly, and it just felt... too easy? Like it helped that Aaron was genuinely contrite, and that he had that good stepfather talk with Graham, but just... yeah, not sure how I feel about it, honestly.

The Doctor's first words to him being, "You weren't at Grace's funeral. Ryan waited for you, you let him down" were so, so good. Like the Doctor is just going "fuck you I'm his father now". Like tbh I think she was 100% prepared to yeet him off the TARDIS and be done with it. Like damn don't emotionally hurt one of her crew.

Some wonderfully savage lines, though. The Doctor's, "You're almost making up for your parenting deficit!"; Aaron and Ryan's, "Is that how you talk to your dad?" "I don't know, he's not been around"; Graham's fucking smirk when Ryan pointedly calls him 'Gramps'.

I did see a suggestion that would have made it much better - instead of the Dalek capturing Aaron, it captures Ryan. First, it ups the threat in the mind of the Doctor and Team TARDIS - this isn't some dickhead, this is one of them. And instead, it's Aaron who reaches out to Ryan, Aaron who risks his life, Aaron who has to come through for Ryan, instead of the other way around. Also would have tied in beautifully with, "Family isn't about DNA, or a name. It's about what you do, and you haven't done enough."

Also, 'srs tech skillz'. With a Z. Doctor why.

In conclusion, I am going to fight Nigel Farage for killing UNIT.

-

Spyfall part 1

Current response to Doctor Who: making a near-literal SDKFJHGSDASDKFH sound, grabbing a cushion, nearly throWING THE CUSHION.

More intelligent commentary when my brain comes back online.

-

Okay. Am calm. Am good! We're good.

MAJOR SPOILERS for Doctor Who: Spyfall, part 1!

So yeah I actually literally screamed (kind of... scream-laugh-holy-shit-yes). Like, even before Dhawan finished speaking the, "Or should I say spy... Master?" line because of the way he had said 'spymaster' in full in the line before and there's nothing that grabs my brain like that one word in that one context. It wasn't quite as mindblowing as the Utopia reveal, since, let's face it, it's only been a season since we last saw that magnificant arsehole, but still.

(Actually, since I didn't watch Twelve's run, the last time I saw them was exactly a decade ago in The End of Time, broadcast New Years Day 2010. And I still fucking cry over, "Get out of the way." So. That may have been why I literally screamed lmao)

I mean. It's the Master. I can't not. They're my favourite jerk. This is probably slightly concerning.

Anyway. Comments!

The good

Episode was just flat-out exciting. It reminded me both of the Three and Ten eras, a bit? Fun gadgets, fancy suits, and what ends up being a giant game! Did start wondering when they were talking about spies and codes and stuff. It's basically a puzzle that's been set up for the Doctor to solve. Plus, the way she was pretty much enlisted into it! Thirteen and Dhawan!Master might end up having a more Pertwee-Delgado-esque dynamic, maybe? I would be down for that!

(My introductory episode to the Master was The Mind of Evil. Let's just put it that way XD)

"I'm her best enemy." <3

I mean, in retrospect, isolated house full of high-tech stuff and a wall full of books about the Doctor... oh honey. Long, looong game of playing Spies and Conspiracies just for, apparently, the sheer funsies of it. Oh, honey. They're such a disaster and I love them.

The reveal scene, Jodie's acting. The way she just... freezes and hunches in on herself. She's been hiding her past more than other Doctors have in the past, and suddenly, here is her past!! Right here!! Laughing and joking and right there in front of her! And she's just like, "Ohhh shit, I was not ready to have this conversation again..."

Yasmin and Ryan's dynamic. I do like that they split up the usual combos of Thirteen-Yasmin and Graham-Ryan for once, because I do like seeing the way they play off each other! It makes them feel more cohesive as a group. I liked Ryan trying to comfort Yasmin after her experience.

Post-reveal, I'm now wondering if the weird zappy forest thing is the Master's TARDIS? Something to do with changing and processing DNA into something else? Something based around neurons, with the electric travelling system? Am also wondering what happened to Yasmin while in there, since she seemed to be processed in some way, and I'm wondering if she had part of her DNA rewritten as well - or maybe if she's been replaced entirely, like she's currently piloting an alien version of her own body while her actual self is still in there. They did already do that with Flesh!Amy, though.

Once this arc is over, I think Thirteen is definitely going to have to sit down and tell the Fam who the hell she actually is. Graham is having some serious questions, and the Master was definitely egging that on, pre-reveal.

How much do I love that even in a tux, the Doctor still has the culottes and boots? A lot, that is how much. Also, how much do I love the Doctor in a suit and on a motorbike? A lot, that is how much.

"I've had an upgrade." <3

Thirteen playing Snap. It's okay, Thirteen, you still win my heart <3

"Worst! Uber! Ever!!"

"Kisses!" Yes, we know ;) They've been texting! Someone write me a WhatsApp chat fic with plenty of subtext and double meaning, I require it. Also, memes. You know it's true. The Master isn't a Time Lord, they're a Meme Lord.

"Everything you think you know is a lie." Season hook? :o

The hmm

Main concern is how they're handling the Master's characterisation? Last we saw, they were so ready to jump the Doctor ship. Now it's back to games. Kind of wondering if that means the Master is just at the point of being resigned that they and the Doctor just don't work and so is going back to games because at least it makes them happy, but I'm happy to wait until next week to see how things play out!

Did see a suggestion that this is the Master from one of the alternate universes (or at least that seems to be the general consensus on why there were multiple maps), so not actually necessarily the same version as Missy. Alternatively, this could actually be a pre-Missy version! Maybe between Simm!Master and Missy, since we never actually see that regeneration?

Actually, if this is the one immediately before Missy and this two-parter ends with the Master regenerating and we actually do get Thirteen and Missy together on screen I may cry.

(Like I'm aro-ace and agender but I'm still so gay for both of them. There is no word other for this emotion other than 'I'm gay'.)

I kind of wish someone had double-checked the name of the company because VOR running the world is. Is. "Right now, VOR is more powerful than most nations." Just. *pinches bridge of nose* Like okay you know how we say 'oh yeah just google it' 'yeah I googled it' are they really gonna say 'yeah I just VO

'I'm going to V

I can't say it. I can't.

Apparently the Australia scenes were filmed in South Africa. Kind of assumed it wasn't really Australia as soon as I saw actually greenery in the background h e h.

Highkey wish I could have seen Missy and Thirteen together. Dhawan!Master is very fun so far but. Missy and Thirteen. See comment above about the Master's characterisation!

...ABC are you really going to keep to Thursday night broadcasts even after the UK switches their Sunday nights / our Monday mornings? Well that's a good way to guarantee I'll be watching them online first! I was happy to wait twelve hours or so so I could watch it with Mum, but like hell I'm going to wait three and a half days!

In conclusion, am dead, send help, is it Monday morning yet?

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Spyfall part 2

Thoughts on Doctor Who: Spyfall, part 2!

GALLIFREY LOOOOORE.

Oh man I'm hyped. We got a teeny teaser to the Timeless Child way back last decade but now we may actually get to see what the fuck is going on. And hell, if nothing else, at least the discovery is being teased to be so devastating it did undo Missy's characterisation. If this incarnation of the Master is after her, at least. Still not necessarily anything to suggest that. The Master will likely be recurring over this season, so we'll find out more, at least!

God, the Master is so fucked up. Like. He's seen something apparently so massively traumatic that he had to destroy his own planet and legitimately does look broken by it? Unless he was acting, but I did not get that impression from the message at the end. And the only way he can think of to get the Doctor's attention is to start his old tricks? Not sure if it's better or worse for him to be pre-Missy tbh.

It's just... such an interesting dynamic. Also I really want to read into the whole... scene where the Master asks the Doctor to kneel and call him 'Master' in front of everyone - then, when she does (defiantly! Stubbornly!), he... kneels to be at the same level as her. Like, "I'm going to play these BDSM-esque power games with you but when it comes down to it, I still consider us equal."

Anyway the Master is def a service top.

This comment from Tumblr user upslapmeal:

"'why would it stop? I mean how else would I get your attention’ what did I say about the Master being like a cat knocking things off shelves"

I mean. Yeah.

"Contact." Old school.

The Companions! They get a capital C because they were rad as hell. I love them all deciding that what they do next is: carry on to save the world. Like they're all heroic af without the Doctor and it's so good.

"Don't make me do a soft-shoe shuffle!"

And questioning at the end, oooh man. There are some Implications there, yeah. They've found out some surface information, yes, but no real hint at the deeper trauma. And given what this coming season is hinting at, I strongly suspect we will indeed be getting that deeper trauma and maybe even Dark!Doctor. Gallifrey does tend to bring it out of them...

The whole on-the-run thing seemed to definitely be a callback to Sound of Drums. Uh, what's that going to do long-term? Send out a worldwide message saying, "Sorry, our bad, they're fine"? I mean, last time that happened... okay, Jack was already with Torchwood and so is used to Not Really Existing, but Martha definitely couldn't go back to fuckin' medical school. She ended up at UNIT and then went independent. They did not return to their normal lives.

Barton: needs a goddamn punch. He killed his mother what the fuck. On the plus side, at least he seems to have thoroughly destroyed his career? Be interesting to see if he reappears later, you don't go from the most powerful person on the planet to massive pariah overnight without Repercussions.

On to our guest characters! I hate to brag but I guessed who Ada was as soon as I heard her first name and saw her outfit. I mean the computers theme was already there, who else would she be? :D And I admittedly didn't know who Noor Inayat Khan was except in passing, but still. Little upset about the erased memories (Donna ;_; ), but I can see why the Doctor did it and like... this way, I'm glad they were able to avoid the implications of, "Ada only developed computing because she had already seen the future." Like people said that with Rosa Parks even though the Doctor said explicitly to only ensure there were enough seats filled and the act itself was all Rosa, so they may have wanted to play it safe.

I... really want to comment on how Ada definitely was crushing on the Doctor (and really, who wouldn't?), but she was a real person so I shall avoid those implications. (But really though!)

Doctor how many times have you been in someone's liver. This is some Magic School Bus Inside The Human Body bullshit and I love it.

Doctor's recording: "First of all, you're not gonna die! Second of all, don't talk back to the screens, obviously I'm a recording and I can't hear ya. Third, don't panic. Especially you, Graham."

Graham, panicking: "I'M NOT PANICKING!"

Doctor's recording: "Yes, you were! And I did just say, don't talk back to the screens!"

Graham: "????!?!!"

I want an entire series of the Master having a really infuriating seventy-seven years on Earth. Please.

Comments on continuity issues regarding that, "It's worse than Jodrell Bank!" "Did I ever apologise for that?" "No." "Good." exchange XD;; Like people are going, "Continuity error!! It was the Pharos Project, not Jodrell Bank!!" and like. Pharos was a project. Jodrell Bank is an observatory. You can do projects at observatories. Also, you can refer to projects by location, too. Am I referring to the Canberra Deep Space Communication Project or Tidbinbilla Station? Both! They refer to the same thing! In the Whoniverse, they likely did the Pharos Project at Jodrell Bank, and just had some lighthearted bantz about that time where the Master killed the Doctor, no biggie.

So, onwards to... an apparently unrelated episode for next week! Also, the Kassavin? Still there. Like. The Master only gave suggestions. They still have all those agents everywhere! They're still ready to act! And yeah, now they have the Master in their hands, so... I wonder if they'll make the Timeless Child a long, ongoing arc, and have the much more immediate threat of the Kassavin as the season finale?

-

Orphan 55

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Orphan 55!

...whew.

First thought: anvilicious, but some anvils need to be dropped, because, uh, have you seen the world lately.

It feels like quite a brittle episode? Even beyond the immediate tension of 'there are large angry creatures trying to kill everyone', there's just this sense of... like, tension. There's the tension between Benni and Vilma, which at first is kind of a sweet tension then becomes a life-threatening and sad tension. There's the tension between Roger Parslow Silas and his dad, with Silas not being taken seriously (although I do think him running out while they're in life-threatening danger is a bit much). The obvious and major tension between Bella and Kane that drives the whole episode, yes.

And there's also the tension amongst Team TARDIS! The episode starts with the Doctor still in Some Kinda Way about last week, and I felt a bit of tension between Yaz and Ryan? She seemed rather unimpressed by Bella, at any rate. I do like how organic the relationship between Ryan and Graham feels, at least. "It ain't the aliens that are gonna kill me, it’s worrying about you!"

Set and costume building, I felt, was kind of... eh? I liked how Tranquility itself looked, but the tunnels looked Very Generic, and some of the looks I felt didn't really work. Silas and his dad's green hair just looked very obviously fake, and I saw a description of Hyph3n-with-a-three looking like a cross between a Jellicle Cat and John Candy in Spaceballs (which... yeah, honestly). And I'm not sure about the Dregs, although I did initially have the thought that whatever the original inhabitants of the planet were, they must have been humanoid was amusingly accurate...

"I just pulled this out of a friend of mine! >:("

"Oh! ...We do not make any judgments on our guests and fully support any way you choose to enjoy yourself here at Tranquility Spa! ^_^;;"

"... ... ...It wasn't recreational! o.O"

God you could feel Hyph3n-with-a-three's embarrassment...

"If I had crayons and half a can of Spam, I could build you from scratch!" Excuse me I am at least Tofurky.

Also a logical issue on the whole journey to find Benni, because frankly, it just wasn't... sensible. Okay, bring a kid. Father of the year right there. Okay, bring an old woman. Granted, she could have insisted because it was her man-friend they were looking for, but surely she would have known she would slow them down? Her 'heroic sacrifice' felt very wasted, because dammit, she could have survived if she had stayed in the Dome where it was at least a bit safer!

"At least three eighths of a plan, right here! ...Two eights. I'll be honest, all I've got is the letter 'P'..."

So the Doctor is almost at the point of passing out from oxygen loss but hang on, let her first indulge her curiosity...

The sheer existence of orphan planets is very depressing. The sheer fact that there's at least fifty-five is very depressing.

There's an interesting comment about how straight after discussion of the reveal, the first shot of the preview is the Statue of Liberty. Very Planet of the Apes! (No apes next time, just Tesla vs Edison!) Also feeling a strong connection to Midnight (stunning resort on dangerous planet with a very personal enemy), and I saw a comment about Thirteen unintentionally The-End-Of-The-World-ing the Fam (and making a connection between 'very angry trees' and the Forests of Cheem). Bit of Ravolox. Bit of... fuck what was it... Curse of Fenric.

Although, we know that the Earth will eventually be consumed by the sun, and it was done in a way that was like... it was its time. This was not its time, was a colossal fuck-up on a planetary scale (and the Doctor continues to be 'eat the rich'), but it's also only one potential future. Which is good, because that got dark. Even more than The End of the World, even more than Utopia, even more than fuckin' Frontios, because this is the near-future. The shots we saw of the destruction were modern day! That was the Dome of the Rock you saw getting bombed!

"Be smarter than what made you." PAGING THE GOVERNMENT...

Going to put it on a solid... maybe 7/10? Some really good elements in there, but also some clunkers, and unfortunately not a patch on the same writer's It Takes You Away, which was one of the strongest of the last season.

-

Nikola Tesla’s Night of Terror

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror!

Opinion before episode: man, Tesla's cool. Opinion after episode: man, Tesla is fuckin' cool! :D That was a well-done personality-based historical, absolutely - I think it's my second-favourite personality-based historical only to Rosa (there are other pseudo-historical based ones set in the past that I love, but they're not personality-based; the Human Nature duology is a good example).

But yeah, Tesla just came across as a really, really cool character. Genius and he knew it, yes, and the real Tesla did have some questionable views (sexism, mostly), but otherwise the archetypal Idealistic Genius who wants to change the world for the better. Contrast with Edison, who was... a businessman. With, like, a really punchable face. Still pretty intelligent, but... very, very punchable. I've read about the Tesla-Edison feud before and always sided with Tesla, and let's face it, so did the writer XD

Good mix of character combinations - with a lot of characters, it's easy for someone to get sidelined, but this managed to handle Thirteen and the Fam, and Tesla, Dorothy, and Edison, pretty well. There were some neat combinations, like Ryan and Dorothy bonding over the sense of adventure, and Graham and Edison's confrontation; I also really loved the whole conversation between Thirteen and Tesla on the joy of just... creating. There's actually a very nice overlap between arts and sciences.

Antagonists - not bad? I feel a lot of people were expecting the Racnoss, and there was such a similarity that I would have liked at least a throwaway line about how the Skithra were related or something. Ooh man she definitely brought out Dark!Doctor, though. Teleporting the queen back to the ship, specifically so she can be fried? I mean, she might have survived it. Might. And just that fantastic little change of expression when the queen asks the Doctor if she's ever seen a dead planet before! Whittaker pulled that one off.

There's a very interesting compare and contrast between the Skithra and Edison, I found. Thirteen has her speech about how once the Skithra are gone, they won't be remembered. Caput. Forgotten. They left nothing behind. Compare and contrast to Edison, who was openly accused of using other people's work, but who's able to learn from his mistakes, end on an even(ish) setting with Tesla, and who does get remembered. Which kind of stings, honestly, if you look at Tesla's actual history.

Like. Apparently that, "The man just didn't understand the American sense of humour," line was an actual historical line, according to Tesla's own records. The absolute main reason for the difference in fame and recognition is that Tesla was a genius who didn't know how to market. Edison was a marketer who could invent a bit. So in conclusion Edison is a dick and Tesla needs more respect, the end.

Favourite lines and scenes:

Tesla: "Is - is this your own design?" Thirteen: "I made it! Mainly out of spoons! :D" Tesla: "You're an inventor! :D" Thirteen: "I have my moments." Tesla: "I knew it! So you... so, you can understand how it feels, you know, when you have an idea, and - and to make it real. I don't think there's any greater thrill!" Thirteen: "I couldn't agree more." Tesla: "You... you spoke of aliens. People here laugh at the very idea." Thirteen: "But not you." Tesla: "Well, apparently I'm not like other people. It can be difficult, you know, to feel no one else sees the world the way you do. It's like you're, uh..." Thirteen: "...out of place."

Graham: "Yeah, still. I bet you'd jump at the chance to have him back working for you, wouldn't ya?" Edison: "Yeah?" Graham: "Yeah!" Edison: "How d'you figure that?" Graham: "'Cause I had a supervisor like you at my old depot. And men like you don't pay a bloke that much attention unless you think there's a payout comin'."

Thirteen: "I wouldn't go killing me and Yaz. 'Cause Yaz... can tell you what this is." Yaz: "It's a camera!" Thirteen: "Bingo!" *FLASH!*

Edison: "I couldn't figure it out either." Tesla: "The internal dimensions transcend the external." Thirteen: *GRIN* Edison: ._.

Thirteen: "You do realise, it's killing Edison that they want you and not him? ;D"

Graham: "Don't worry. This ain't our first rodeo!" Ryan: "We've never been to a rodeo." Graham: "...you're not helping, Ryan..."

Thirteen: "And what are you queen of, exactly? A stolen ship and second-hand guns? A queen of shreds and patches. You're not a ruler, you're a parasite." Queen: "And what are you? So clever, stealing onto my ship, taking what I claim as mine. But where has it got you? No weapons. No armour. No escape. Just the desperate hope you might change my mind." Thirteen: "No, we are way past that. I gave you your chance." Queen: "A chance to be like you?" Thirteen: "A chance to evolve. But you were too stupid to take it. When you die, there'll be nothing left behind - just a trail of blood and other people's brilliance. No one will even know you existed."

(Side note: I love that this speech was actually in front of the companions. They're starting to see that things are Not Okay.)

Thirteen: "Don't give up." Yaz: "Whatever anyone says." Tesla: "Well, let them talk. The present is theirs. I work for the future... and the future is mine."

Favourite incorrect lines:

Thirteen and Tesla, firing at the ship: "VIBE CHECK!"

-

Fugitive of the Judoon

I'M GONNA... NEED A HOT MOMENT TO PROCESS THAT...

-

WELL I. UH. OKAY.

lmao I'm serious I don't even know where to begin.

Uh, some very disorganised comments on Doctor Who - Fugitive of the Judoon!

I squealed when I heard Jack's voice then saw him in the flesh. I gasped audibly when 'Ruth' broke the glass. I yelped when we saw the buried TARDIS. I MAY HAVE SCREAMED A LITTLE WHEN 'RUTH' INTRODUCED HERSELF.

(Also can we talk about her outfit. That was on point.)

I'm getting a very... very early vibe? She didn't know what the sonic screwdriver was, and that was introduced with Troughton. Since we saw the Hartnell-Troughton regeneration, she must be pre-Hartnell? Maybe a Doctor whose memories were rewritten to the point that they thought the Hartnell incarnation was the earliest? Not to mention that was a pretty old-school-looking TARDIS!

Alternatively, maybe between Troughton and Pertwee? Either option has some inconsistency - if she's post Troughton, she should have known what the sonic was, although it admittedly did look very different. Plus, her TARDIS is already its police box shape, which was implied to have set in the junkyard. Also, we never actually do see the regeneration between Two and Three, and it could explain why Gallifrey was after her - she escaped after her trial after The War Games!

Definitely early, though.

Alternatively alternatively, Thirteen actually does say 'time is swirling around me'. Maybe an alternate timeline. Something to tie back to the Timeless Child?

"I've lived for thousands of years, so long I've lost count. I've had so many faces. How long have you known me? You don't know me. Not even a little bit."

That wasn't just aimed at the companions. I feel that was aimed at the Doctor themself.

(Related: the response from the fam was flat-out beautiful. Doesn't matter who she was or who she'll be. They know her now, and they love her.)

Just. Wow. Wow.

Really cool note from Twitter - disguised name was Ruth Clayton. Ruth = 'friend, companion'. Clayton = 'of the Earth'. She literally named herself 'friend of the Earth'.

"You're probably a bit confused right now."

I mean. Yeah. Confused and intrigued and what.

"Don't do points! I do points! Points are my thing!"

Jack. Jack. Smooching Graham, hitting on all the companions, getting into Shenanigans! The Lone Cyberman - I wonder if that's a totally different crisis that isn't even related to the current Gallifrey-Timeless Child one? The more important part is Jack's presence - the presence of another time traveller with a... unique relationship with the universe. The actual warning could be a red herring, but Jack showing up anywhere in the first place is a sign that something is happening with time?

Orphan 55 had a timeline that may or may not have been the 'real' one. Being only a potential future kind of doesn't work with what we know of established DW continuity, so I'm liking the 'alternate timeline' theory, maybe?

Ryan: "I liked him. Kind of cheesy."

Yaz: "But good cheesy."

Thirteen, smiling: "That's Jack."

Graham just standing there going, "He kissed me tho? ...Wasn't bad, actually."

"Is she safe?" Jack, honestly, is she ever safe?

"When she needs me... I'll be there." Oh yeah, he's so coming back later this season.

Also, Judoon, chameleon arch, the Master, Jack - getting big season 29 vibes here and that's a big thumbs up for me because that's my favourite season. We just need Martha to make an appearance now!

...hehe honestly, between Jodie's entire existence, and now, in the span of five episodes, introducing Dhawan!Master, Gat, and now Jo Martin as the first black female Doctor, and reintroducing Jack, one of the most overtly and openly queer characters on the series, the 'Doctor Who is too PC!' bunch are going to be so mad XD

"A platoon of Judoon... near the moon." / "Look at you, your platoon of Judoon near the... that lagoon..."

Man. The close-up in the very first shot of the watch. Nice tie-in.

"The Doctor never uses weapons!" "I know! Shut up! >.>"

Where do the Kasaavin come into play? Is this something they've done by integrating themselves throughout time and space? Maybe they're fraying the fabric?

My mind is blown. I can't wait for the rest of this season :D

-

[Part 2 - Praxeus to The Timeless Children]

[violetsystems]

#personal

As promised, I am projecting less frustration this morning.  I think maybe just because the rhythm of things in my life.  I read that ritual during the pandemic has been a reliable coping mechanism for many.  I have very small rituals.  I get a bowl of Yukejang from down the street on Sundays.  Same order.  Same price.  I tap it into a spreadsheet somewhere in the cloud and plan around it.  All the way back in September, I chiseled out a budget for myself to figure out how to weather out this situation.  The situation as it is continues to morph and shift towards the edges of chaos.  This is why I try to keep things normal through planning and maybe a little ritual.  I’ve been writing the same three paragraphs here for too many years for me to count.  There are actually people out there who get what I’m saying.  Sometimes people just like to read them.  Other people just like to skim them.  But these rituals kind of keep the element of control over your life in focus.  Some rituals can go a little overboard.  And sometimes some pandemics can go longer than a year.  I try to plan for the future all the same without having much to go on.  I know that a vaccine needs to happen first.  At this point I won’t see that until earliest June.  I’ve been seeing jobs in my salary range but nothing I want to spend the rest of my life doing.  I’ve made enough money by myself this year to worry about paying taxes.  But it isn’t something I really feel is sustainable.  And this is where thoughts start to spiral out of control.  Which is what brings me back to rituals.  I make it through week to week in probably one of the most bullshit situations by looking forward to things.  Broadcasting on Fridays is fun even if nobody watches it live.  I’ve learned that creating content for output is more important than worrying about the results.  For all the intelligent words I write, a lot of the things that come out of my actual mouth on the fly are incredibly stupid and funny to me.  I like that that brings me down to earth somehow.  Because most of the time I’m wondering if I’m even visible to the naked eye.  You can fade away into your own self doubt even if you seem the most confident and together person.  This can happen because the world ceaselessly throws shade.  People don’t want you to succeed because it complicates things.  Doesn’t fit into whatever plan or main questline you haven’t been briefed on.  These days I’ve grown less sensitive to suggestion.  I follow my own path and rules no matter what feelings it evokes.  And yes I feel a sense of dread more often than not.  I feel actual mental pain quite often.  And that pain doesn’t come from inside of me or the result of things I do other than work out or ride my bike.  The pain is the pressure from society to put it all on you.  People out there are just as confused, lost and fearful.  To have some sort of closure or something to blame lifts that temporarily.  It’s not always true.  Paranoia and isolation does that to people.  Even to me.  So I like to focus on the sacred parts of my life that I’ve kept to myself.  And ritual keeps me in a predictable mood.  That you keep going on week to week because you’ve created space that you and you alone value.  

Sometimes other people value it too.  And that gets tricky to manage.  It isn’t really in my best interest to be at odds with society all the time.  I am a loner mostly because I grew up an only child.  But I’ve become a lot less sensitive as a result of whatever crucible of destiny I’ve been forged in.  I think sometimes when you walk the path of ritual, it’s easy to stay in your lane.  For me, for all these years I’ve been doing pretty much the same exact thing in real life often.  Mostly to not cause anyone cognitive dissonance enough to fuck with me.  Society is a nightmare anywhere you are it seems.  Chicago can be batshit insane.  It makes me project that like a mirror sometimes when I’m exhausted.  And the things that keep me going aren’t always there front and center to hold my hand.  I’m tough enough at this point to take it.  But it’s a lot of disappointment to live with.  The ritual of having a salaried job working with people who seemed pretty much like they were your friends was disrupted by all this a year ago.  I got ghosted.  I never really understood why.  Over the months, I blamed myself over and over again.  And then I started to realize people were hopelessly locked within themselves.  They couldn’t communicate anything meaningful so they just decided to let it go entirely.  Or I did.  Communication to me over the years is funny.  Sometimes people say the most to me without saying any words.  If you walk away from a job after twenty years and everyone you work with pretends you never existed that’s a message.  The opposite is true.  If you wake up every morning to cryptic interactions on your phone that probably means something too.  If you write three paragraphs every week for three years on the internet to nobody in particular, it’s true somebody will read it.  Maybe somebody will even have the reading comprehension to enjoy it.  The ritual of it is pretty sacred to me.  I think people know me well enough to realize I err on the side of authenticity.  I don’t like to betray the things that keep me going.  I know how it feels to be betrayed.  It sounds so cold saying that.  But I’m sure we all know it to a certain degree.  Some people get so abandoned that they have no choice but to move forward.  And how you keep yourself moving at a regular pace in these times is anybody’s guess.  Sanctuary is something more than ritual.  It’s a space where you feel safe enough to protect the things that keep you alive.  A safe spot to pursue your life, liberty and happiness despite the world’s encroaching bullshit around you.  After years of pacing the streets here people have varying opinions of me and my rituals.  It’s not the most ideal situation by far.  But if anyone knows anything about maintaining sanctuary in one of the world’s most in your face cities, it is me.  I’ve been to New York enough to know.  Chicago is some sort of nightmare zone mix of both coasts.  It’s also still fairly affordable to live.  It’s also fairly free enough to go about your business with more than a few stares.  People are bored, hungry, and anxious.  People are looking for rituals and ideas for their own.  And sometimes people cross the line of sanctuary and the holy ground gets smaller.  I can’t even take out my trash without a dirty look sometimes.  And I have to manage it just the same.  When I shut the door and mutter to myself about politics and the government or whatever, nobody comes knocking.  Or I’m over it quick enough so nobody does.  Kind of like here.  The good news is spring is here.  I can open up the windows and listen to music alone.  I can continue to work on my search for meaningful employment wherever that may take me.  I honestly think after all this time someone has better ideas on where I belong.  

That somebody has most always had to be me.  I had to take the initiative in this entire situation.  And it’s become something else entirely.  I build rituals around that.  Some outdated rituals I retire.  Kind of like how I was.  I used to travel to New York every couple of months before this all went to shit.  I think I may go back this summer for a few days.  I don’t really have a solid answer for the future in my head.  I’ve had more time to enjoy things.  I spend way more time learning how to block in Tekken and it actually becomes a whole new game.  I could be harassing people in public and on the internet but I’d rather just keep to myself.  I am lonely just like anyone would be in this situation.  But people communicate with me just the same.  And it’s on me to value it enough to interpret whether it’s worth my time.  I keep hearing the president proclaim that July will mark our independence from the virus.  It’s ironic.  I was let go two days before the fourth last year.  Still nursing those wounds as you would expect.  Simply because there’s no closure.  No acknowledgement of anything.  And this is what I’ve had to read into.  I’m on my own in this.  And then again I’m not.  I’ve led myself through an absolute shit show daily.  And I’ve maintained sanctuary enough to keep doing it.  The rituals and sacred things I hold dear are protected by the reputations I uphold.  The moral capital I reserve is the real hard work.  Because often I would like nothing other than to go apeshit in the face of all this misunderstanding and hallucinatory bullshit.  It’s like being a celebrity and a pariah at the same time.  Banging your head against the wall trying to read into everybody’s sudden interest in whatever it is you represent in real time.  I don’t really know what people want from me at all.  And in some ways it doesn’t matter here in America.  This is what I’ve come to realize in some respects about freedom.  It’s complex, messy and not easily managed efficiently.  And yet no other country in the world has this many layers to navigate.  If you hold your ground long enough, nobody dares cross the line.  I mean nobody.  For as funny, sardonic and self deprecating as I can be, people are still ultimately scared shitless of me.  I’ve grown to understand that and work on that as best I can in a bullshit situation.  And through that I’ve found that staying true to the things you love and care about require meditation.  Self awareness and self care are the only weapons to guide you through a process that is meant to break your individual will.  I could blame capitalism.  I could blame the government.  I could unite and tear down the very fabric of society that has kept me invisible and be forgotten all over again.  And then I realize both sides are to blame mostly because nobody is really talking to anyone.  Entire political parties acting like they meet you eye to eye on the street when everyone has their head slung down low at every moment of the day.  And I’m not exactly interested in inviting more people into my life to violate my already questionable boundaries of privacy.  Rituals give us the focus to concentrate on the things that really matter to us.  Maybe they help us define what is sacred to us.  If people respect that the sanctuary grows.  If people challenge, question or hijack the narrative, you write them out of the story.  It’s definitely easier to control the pen when nobody is on your back to tell you how to write your dreams.  I wholeheartedly want that for everybody.  A real sanctuary for people to be themselves.  It’s not easy to manage.  But where ever I end up I know want thing is true.  I will always keep things sacred when it comes to you. <3 Tim

[ask-mrradiodemon]

Valentine's Day ~ A Radiodust Story

A/N: This story is largely based on the canon of my RP blog, which I'm posting this on now, and the things that have developed here over time, rather than actual character canon. Having said that, each individual should be in character, and I hope you're all able to enjoy nonetheless. Cheers, everyone

Ao3 Link (since SOME people found it early-)

TW: Brief mentions of alcohol and believing love is unrequited

Baking and cooking are often time consuming activities that can take a toll on anyone's health. Doing so for twelve hours straight three days in a row only makes matters worse, and would cause any normal person to pass out. Of course, the radio demon was far from being a normal person, rarely ever needing sleep. But without a moment's rest, exhaustion was bound to take over at some point. Alastor nearly failed to arrive to the venue on time.

But not quite.

The room in question was something that had previously been old and abandoned; a ballroom in the back of the hotel, complete with a stage up front and a floor made for dancing. It took Niffty nearly a full day to clean up the cobwebs, dust, and creatures that had made it their home, but with the light shining in that space by the end, it was more than worth it. The empty room wasn't enough, though, of course. Decorations had to be put around as well, and with Alastor busy with the food preparations, that task was assigned to none other than...

"Charlie, you've done splendid! Absolutely marvelous!" It was more than a relief when she heard that her decorations were up to Alastor's standards. During the hour of him inspecting each individual piece, only a few tweaks were made. Moving a banner two inches to the left, tightening the knot that held a balloon to the ground, going so far as to change the color of the tablecloth where the food was meant to be placed. Charlie hadn't been nearly as busy lately, but she still worked hard as hell on that. With her work in place and finished, Alastor dismissed her to go get ready for the evening's events.

"So are you gonna fuckin' tell me why you're doing this to begin with?"

Ah, the telltale voice of a drunk man. Not that Alastor was surprised, of course. Without hesitation, he simply made his way over to the barman's table, upon which laid a dozen different drink types. Coffee, hot chocolate, lemonade (pink and regular), tea, juice, and even the soda Alastor had hazardously taken from the upper world's. Under the table, just barely hidden by the cloth, was a large bottle of fine wine: Husk's motivation to be here.

"Well I believe I've said it before, my dear! I've never celebrated an event such as this, and a dance is the perfect method to encourage camaraderie and building relationships among staff!"

Husk was not the least bit impressed. "Right, so that's your canned response you've been givin' to everyone for the past two weeks. In case you don't remember, I've known you longer than these assholes, and you're not like that. So spill."

Alastor didn't respond immediately to the… Question? It was more like an order. Either he had to think of a convincing enough lie, or tell the truth. And since the latter was not an option, and Husk had already broken through several of the excuses Alastor had given, there weren't many options left.

"If you're just gonna give me more bullshit, then don't even bother saying anything." Ding.

"Very well then! I won't! Make sure you're on time this evening, six o' clock sharp!" With that, Alastor simply walked away, with Husk facepalming in the background.

Only ten in the morning! There's so much left to prepare! Hot chocolate couldn't be made more than an hour early, and many of the foods had to be fresh and warm to ensure they were at top quality. At least the cookies, cake, and appetizers had been finished the night before; things would be slightly easier today.

--------

Alastor was never grateful to have an extra pair of hands assisting him. Or, well… three pairs.

"So? You got it figured out yet?" While Arakniss worked on following the recipes that had been laid out for him, Alastor was gathering ingredients for the ones yet to come. Many of which, he promptly dropped after hearing that question. That gave Niss a much needed chuckle; no matter how many times they talked about this, it never failed to send Alastor short circuiting.

“Yes, well… I believe so? Things have been… Written out, and… Well the decorations are gorgeous, you should see them!”

Niss only rolled his eyes at the nervous deflection. “You’re gonna do fine, dance lessons will come in handy soon. Be dancin’ with my fratello before the night’s over, easy.”

Somehow, the thought of that wasn’t as comforting as it should have been. For that to happen, Alastor would actually have to go through with his confession, and Angel would have to actually accept it. Even with that low likelihood, if it managed to happen, Alastor’s online lessons in tango may not have been near enough to actually perform it well. In front of everyone else that was invited.

"There's a very good chance I could step on his feet. Hooves are a bit more rough than normal shoes."

Niss gave a half laugh, half scoff at that. "Look, you're gonna do just fine. I know it pretty decent, you need some last minute practice?"

Alastor glanced up to the clock. Three hours left, and most things only took a few minutes to prepare…

"That would be quite nice."

--------

So far, things had run smoothly. Husk wasn't offering anyone alcohol, Niffty was cleaning up the little spills and crumbs, and the dessert table was quite the success. Almost all the savory and sweet things had been eaten, with Angel seeming to take a particular favor to the strawberry cookies. Though, if Alastor had been honest, he wasn't paying much attention to everyone else. With Angel's plus one being Cherri, they'd had enough fun with all the energetic songs to make time fly past. Alastor had tried choosing the playlist for the evening, but Vaggie took over that quickly once she saw the old things he was choosing.

Thirty minutes left until everyone's curfew. Thirty minutes left until the end of the event. And Alastor hadn't said a single word to anyone besides Husk, about refilling the drinks when things ran low, and Charlie, assuring her he was keeping an eye out for any damages while she enjoyed the night with her girlfriend.

It was now. Or it was never. Alastor gave a gesture to some stranger that had been volunteered to run the music, and it was cut off as the radio demon made his way onto the center of the small stage.

"I hope you're all having an enjoyable time here. I simply wish to say a few words, a toast, if you will, without the drinks. To our honorable staff members, that worked hard to make this event what it was." Only Charlie was the one aware that was bullshit, that Alastor had planned everything out himself and only allowed the others to help if absolutely necessary. He'd done a very good job of hiding the bags under his eyes, she noticed.

“As you all know, I have given many speeches throughout both life and death. Though many have been broadcast, many a time has it been an intimate gathering among those I… used to consider my friends. As one might predict, never in those speeches have I been at a loss for words or needing to plan things out. Until of course… Now. Perhaps it is because you are no longer strangers, and yet you are far from friends either.”

“I told you we couldn’t trust him.” As quiet as Vaggie’s words were, Alastor’s ears picked them up easily. His smile faltered for only a second, unnoticeable to anyone besides his newfound friend Arakniss, standing in the doorway out of sight.

“You see, in the many months since I joined this staff, I have grown to consider you all as…”

...of course. Alastor knew this was going to happen. Each time he tried to show any kind of gratitude, his throat closed up and he was unable to say the dreaded, emotional words. At least, this time, he had prepared.

“Family.”

To say that everyone was shocked, not only at the appearance of Alastor’s shadow clone standing proud next to him, but at the words it said, would be a terrible understatement.

“It is no secret to most of you that I have… unusual levels of difficulty expressing certain emotions, whereas my “friends” here have no trouble at all.” The last part of that phrase was said with slight menace, though not towards any of the members of the hotel; he was quick to learn how his shadows had been finishing his thoughts recently, filling everyone in on the feelings he would rather have kept hidden. There was a reason most of them, all except Al’s own, were banned from the event.

“As such, I am placing my trust in my other half,” accented with a bow while Alastor gestured towards it, “to help me today, and to ensure my meaning is not changed due to my own inability to speak my mind. Beginning with Charlie…”

As soon as the name was spoken, the shadow was no longer by his side, now standing in front of Charlie with a smile. Naturally, Vaggie reached for her concealed knife, but the shadow simply reached out a hand to take Charlie’s own, placing a small kiss on the top of it.

“When I first arrived here, I did not hesitate to let you know exactly what I thought of this idea of yours. Though I still do not believe the end to your means is possible, you have still managed great success, in your own way. Just look around!” Alastor twirled in a circle, using his microphone to gesture to the crowd in front of him. “More and more people are smiling like they never have before! Whether your ultimate goal ends in complete failure, or minor success…”

Silence. And then another gesture with his microphone, this time to the shadow, who spoke in his characteristic deeper, distorted version of the radio demon’s own voice.

“Your kind heart has made a great influence on many people. Hell is lucky to have someone such as yourself to be next in line for power.”

Ignoring the shocked expression on each face, the shadow moved on before anyone was able to comment on the uncharacteristic compliment, stepping to stand in front of Vaggie and perform the same gesture. Or at least, attempting to do so before she pulled her hand away. In response, the shadow simply crossed its hands behind its back.

"My dear, I'm well aware that I have done very little in an attempt to impress you, or not rebut the many tales you've heard of my name. In truth, I'm gar more used to having enemies than friends. If anything, you had the most expected reaction!" With that came a chorus of laughter, all background noises created by Alastor himself. Surprisingly, she didn't consider this situation funny.

"But, regardless of your views on me, allow me to share my opinion of you. Rather abrasive, tough, and perhaps too defensive." Vaggie looked as though she was ready to run upstage and punch him, only held back by Charlie's hand on her arm. "Yet undoubtedly, you are strong-willed and protective. Indeed, an admirable quality, one that I self proclaim to share." A quick bow and gesture of the microphone, a humble gesture though it contradicted the previous phrase. "It is for this reason that I greatly… respect and admire you.  Perhaps one day, I can earn your favor, as you have mine."

The shadow moved with obvious intention past Angel Dust, but if anyone in the crowd noticed, they didn't comment. Rather, it made its way straight to the bar, quickly summoning a bottle of fine wine rather than attempting any sort of contact.

"Husk! My old friend! I trust that you've warmed up to me more since your arrival, my part in recent events having /nothing/ to do with that, I'm sure."

The resulting middle finger gave Alastor all the hint he needed; keep it short, the relationship was Arakniss wasn't public knowledge yet. "But regardless of that, or the intoxicating reasons you've chosen to say, you've done each individual here- a great service by staying, and we are lucky to have you."

The shadow didn't need to approach Niffty; she had been following it around since the beginning, and now its eyes were on her.

"My darling, you're quite the hard worker at this establishment. Enjoy it or not, you've likely done more work in a day than I ever have as co-owner! Though your job isn't what I'd like to mention." If anything, she was more confused than anyone else. "You're rather invasive, you like to listen in on my private conversations, and you are very persistent in matters that are, frankly, none of your business.” Niffty looked almost heartbroken. “However, in doing so, you are never critical or judgemental. Rather, you are kind, encouraging, understanding. For each of these reasons combined, you are the obnoxious, lovable little sister I never had.” The shadow dissipated as she tried to hug the incorporeal being, but a hand ruffled her hair to reduce the disappointment regardless.

“As for the final member of our staff-” The shadow quietly approached Angel before Al held out a hand to stop it. “We will speak another time.” The quiet whispers in certain patches showed that he wasn’t the only one who knew precisely what that phrase meant, but of course the shadow couldn’t simply leave things up to fate. Rather, he told a hold of angel’s face once the crowd’s attention was redirected, whispering “mon cher” in his ear, so quietly no one but Angel could hear. He may not have spoken a word of french, but with the odd seductive tone, he at least hoped he could figure out the meaning.

“But, enough of the sappy things. It’s a wonderful night! Célébrer, my friends, celebrate!”

Angel was quick to run as the peaceful buzz started and anyone could ask questions, as was Arakniss, but to stop Alastor from collapsing as soon as he was out of sight. His knees buckled and Niss was the only thing stopping him from hitting the floor.

“...what have I just done?”

Arakniss didn't have a fast enough answer before Angel came in through the back door, looking unusually pissed off. "Al, what the fuck was that about!?" Immediately, Alastor stood up and pushed away the guiding arm that was intended to steady him.

"I- My apologies, but-"

"You're really gonna go and say nice shit to everyone but me? And make it fuckin' obvious? Geez, if you really hated me that bad you shoulda just said so." Angel had a lot more to say, but with Niss standing behind Alastor motioned for him to shut the fuck up, he kept quiet for only a second.

"I… did not wish to… say certain things in front of the staff, is all."

"Well go on and spit it out then, I'm listening-"

"This is quite difficult enough without your argument, if you would please allow me to speak."

Something about the sincerity, and unusual level of fear, in Alastor's voice made Angel fall silent as Arakniss excused himself out the back door. A quick memory came of the phrase the shadow had said to him, though it didn't last long once it showed up again, taking Angel's hand as it had Charlie's.

"You're very… irritating. You're overly lewd, and brash, and there's many things about you that spark my wrath easier than anything." Alastor couldn't get any further than that, and an awkward silence followed. Angel staring with a mix of anger and confusion, while Alastor felt his face growing brighter red with each passing second. They had a script to follow. Just like the ones he had written for everyone else. Yet he couldn't remember a single word of it. Part of him just wanted to run, allow Angel to finish enjoying his night, and never speak of this moment again. Part of him also knew he'd never forgive himself if he did that.

"You're enchanting." No going back now. His shadow had full control, and all Alastor could do was stand there and watch. "I can't express how much I care for you. My eyes have been on you since the first day we met. Your eyes, your voice, your personality… All beautiful. I'd give you the world should you ask for it. I've been enamoured with you since the day we met, and I'd be honored if I could call you mine."

There was silence for about a minute, and no one moved. Angel held an unreadable expression, and Alastor's heart broke when he eventually pulled the hand away. Here comes the rejection he knew would happen. At least now, he could be able to move on.

"Look, Al… you're… really amazing, like… Holy shit, I…" Angel laughed and shook his head, pushing back his hair with one hand. "If I had any kinda common sense I'd shove ya against the wall now and kiss ya, but…" He nervously glanced at the shadow, and Alastor's heart rose into his throat as he realized what might need to be done.

"It's… Weird. Not havin' you say it. I mean it's you, but… Not really. And it's kinda hard to believe it's real if I'm not hearing it from you."

Alastor wasn't sure what exactly Angel expected him to do. But what he actually did was nod silently as his smile began to fade, and walk out the door, leaving the distraught shadow behind with a shocked expression.

"Don't look at me like that! It's fuckin weird, like if my brother had just gone and told him all the stuff I think about him. You can't blame me for that!" It didn't respond, fading out into the darkness. Angel didn't have much choice but to head out back to the party, where the final song was playing. A tango. Hand-picked, for the dance that Alastor had spent over a month learning, not that Angel would ever learn that now.

For the first time, Alastor allowed himself to cry in front of someone else as soon as he met Arakniss outside.

He cared. He really did. Angel cared for him.

But that meant nothing if Alastor couldn't learn to say the words out loud for himself. Such a bittersweet feeling. Besides the occasional choked sobs, not a sound left his mouth. If he couldn't learn to say the words, all his work will have been for nothing. Somehow, knowing that was worse than if he had just been turned down.

It had been over two weeks since Alastor had attempted to sleep, and four days since he had any rest at all. Too busy.

"When you allow your heart to lead you, it drives you off a cliff."

[notdirk]

A mini guide on Dirk’s mannerisms

A mini guide Part 2: Electric Boogaloo Wanted to do a second one, if you haven’t already you should totally check out my Jake guide. It’s pretty cool.

So here we are, where making this HAPEN. I obviously am not a Dirk Strider expert but I hope the shit I have to say clears things up, or helps you with roleplay/writing a little.

Dirk is a tough cookie to break down, he’s wordy in 2 main ways. Roseways: He’s wordy like Rose in the sense that he has a very extensive vocabulary. Daveways: He’s wordy like Dave via fruitful metaphors. Both of these combine to form being wordy in ways that I can only describe as Dirkways, he’s like the Verbal Antichrist.

I’d describe it with a Dirk translator, being: INPUT: "What you're doing is stupid."

OUTPUT: "All I can tell you is that the artifice you're performing here, is absolutely farcical."

So Dirk swears. He swears a lot, holding the title for the alpha kid who cusses the most. Thing is with his cussing, he doesn’t have a tendency to cuss people out (excluding Hal/AR but he only calls him a dumbass and a jackass), it’s more to just add expression to sentences, a little fuckin’ emphasis never hurt anyone. Dirk isn’t as polite to people as Jake is though, if he doesn’t wanna talk to someone, he’ll make it clear. The dude has a fairly low tolerance for bullshit.

When it comes to writing for Dirk, you need to take into account the circuitous vocabulary, one big batch of fucks and shits, the little passive aggressive and catty jabs, an arguably cold tone, the colorful analogies and the snarky cynicism.

I’ve read a lot of fanfiction involving Dirk and seen a lot of Dirk roleplayers in action, I’ve also noticed a few miscalculations and misjudgments of his character. (Yet again, I’m not spared from this, as someone whose actually written for Dirk before, I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Call this a self-callout if you will but yet again, these are from personal and secondhand experience).

I’d like to add before I delve into the list, in most of the Dirk-related fanfics I have read he's usually like.. The Background Dude who does and says nothing important, just kinda stands and nods his head as the main characters prance around. Either that, or he's The Boyfriend™ who does nothing but exist to be Jake's boyfriend and contributes absolutely nil to the plot. He just also kinda stands there, does some romance shit, then fucks off back to his apartment or whatever.

The mistakes I usually see people make are: 

Making Dirk extremely boring, monotone completely and never expressing literally anything, not even frustration. Dirk isn’t built like a robot, he does emote through his text (usually in ways that come off as a little passive aggressive, I really doubt it’s Always intentional). He has a personality and he isn’t a plank of wood, he has his interests and he’ll humor your thoughts. If he truly does not give a shit about whatever you’re talking about to him, he’ll make it clear, he doesn’t just sit there and go “Uhuh. Yeah. Yep.”

Unlike the problem in the Jake tips, Dirk is usually pelted with a shitload of bros, mans and dudes, he does use that language quite a bit but it’s sprinkled generously throughout his pesterlogs, it isn’t jammed into the apple crumble. That’d be greedy and also pretty monotonous to read. Seriously, be careful with how many times he says bro and dude in the span of 5 sentences.

This one is biased and is more due to my qualms with Old fanon Dirk, the 2012 teenage boy who was a weaboo and a brony. You can say it’s in the past, and I wish it was true, but I’ve seen it crop up a little. Seriously, you’re allowed to run around being all like, “Well my Dirk likes My Little Pony and anime, so fuck you!” I’m not here to gatekeep, I’m just saying. People tend to focus on these things a lot, like.. maybe too much. Also the gay thing, I’m gonna get to that.

One thing I see way too much is people making Dirk extremely rude to the other alpha kids. It’s fine if it’s fitting with the scenario, maybe something awful happened and he’s holding resentment, but just your regular Dirk isn’t gonna belittle his friends like that, he does genuinely like and care about his friends. The first pesterlog we have with Actual Dirk starts off with him asking Jane if she’s alright, he gives a shit. He’s expressed frustration towards his friends before (trickster Roxy) but he’s never been inherently rude or mean towards them, he has their best interests in mind but he just goes about it in the wrong ways. Something that kinda ties in with 1 is that he displays sentiment/affection in a strange way, he doesn’t actively go about hiding the fact that he gives a shit about his friends or specific things, he just cakes it in a layer of irony, except the irony is to Display that he gives a shit, instead of Repress it.

Oh boy. The gay thing. Ok, the problem with a very vocal minority of the fandom’s views on Dirk’s homosexuality are that they either erase it or they hyper-focus on it. Hyper-focusing on it being like “Oh look at this smol gay bean, he’s just megahomo.” and in their writing, they’ll emphasize on the “gay” things that he does, as if that’s his only personality trait. That and the whole DirkJake thing, now listen. I do like DirkJake, it’s my OTP but honestly man, people make him way too sexual towards Jake. There's more to his personality than loving Jake, I mean. He didn't even want to talk to a version of himself about it. You think he'd broadcast those feelings to everyone else?

Strider analogies? What Strider analogies? Dirk’s metaphor usage is often overlooked too, sometimes it’s completely forgotten, which kinda baffles me seeing as it’s a more than once occurrence. He uses analogies in a similar way to Dave, they’re usually fairly obscure but still somewhat relevant to the topic at hand. When Dirk strayed away from the topic at hand with Jane, he caught himself immediately, he knows when to shut up but not always.

Dirk isn’t an “uncultured swine”, he’s fairly up to date with pop culture, even being described in his introduction page as a “PRETERNATURAL POPCULTURE ACADEME.” You can look to the Detective Pony rewrites for better examples of his up to date Internet knowledge, arguably dated but that’s just because of the early 2010s, I’m sure if the alphas were introduced this year, he’d.. well. He’d know his shit. He’s considerably book smart but not as socially perceptive, this isn’t to say that Dirk is completely unaware of the consequences of all of his actions, but he makes a lot of mistakes. He’s only human.

Grammar, seriously. It’s strange making this the last (for now) point but I’ve seen a lot of Dirk roleplayers just completely forget about his perfect syntax and grammar, he does remove the g from words occasionally and he does break his text into lines, occasionally using ellipses. But that’s really it. It’s harder to convey emotion through typing in this way but it’s a part of his character.

Yet again, a long post, probably even longer than the Jake one but I hope this helps with writing or roleplaying as Dirk, or just if you’re curious really. Again, if there’s anything you think I got wrong or should add, feel free to let me know, I’ll update it stat.

If you’d like any personal critiques on your writing then I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to pinpoint everything wrong but I’d be happy to assist/see what you’ve got.

[tessatechaitea]

Justice Society of America #9 (1993)

I bet Guy Gardner makes a "Wood is your biggest weakness!" joke.

Back in the late 80s/early 90s, there were two stories that every single DC comic book had to tell: the protagonist battles and defeats Lobo and the protagonist puts Guy Gardner in his place. The first one proved that the protagonist could beat the toughest bastich in the DC Universe. The second was just satisfying to a lot of customers. I hated every single one of these stories. Except maybe the Hitman story where they defeat Lobo by taking pictures of Bueno Excellente ass-fucking the unconscious Lobo. I don't think that's using rape in an offensive way because Lobo was a murderous, genocidal psychopath and Bueno Excellente loved to fuck things in the ass. I suppose my love of Lobo and Guy Gardner in my teens and twenties says something unpleasant about me. But you can't deny that Lobo was the character every DC fan most wanted to fuck. And I mean every DC fan. I still find it weird that somebody could create a character that was both super sexy and also looked like a clown. And I just felt sympathy for Guy Gardner. These were the days before you had to account for mental illness and traumatic brain injury when assessing somebody's personality and attitude. But I was there for you, Guy! I knew what you'd been through and how unfairly everybody treated you! If only Harley Quinn could have been around to tell everybody to stop being so hard on Guy because he was suffering from severe brain trauma and couldn't help flying into rages on a near constant basis. Instead we just had Batman to lay Guy out in one punch and "fix" his personality until he was hit on the head again like some amnesiac Fred Flintstone. When we last left the Justice Society of America, the people of Earth were being driven toward hatred due to the unearthing of Kulak by Hawkman and Hawkwoman. It reminds me of something that happened in 2016 but I just can't quite put my finger on it.

I suppose if comic book artists can't help making corpses sexy, I shouldn't be surprised that they're making me think about fucking a seventy year old.

I know Joan Garrick is just a fictional drawing but at least I'm honest about when fictional drawings of old people and corpses give me a boner.

"One cop's nightmare." Yeesh. I'm afraid to ask how this movie ends.

Doctor Mid-Nite relaxes at home listening to the radio while coming up with old man takes to impress his young assistant.

Just wait until he gets a load of Twitter and Internet memes!

Thunderbolt and his dull friend work out that some kind of sorcery is affecting the Justice Society members, causing everybody to despise them. But it doesn't seem super important so Johnny Thunder decides to leave it for morning. I can't blame him for not knowing the whole world can burn down in that time; he isn't outside the story like I am so he can't perceive the whole of it all. Normally I would blame him and call him an idiot but I'm feeling charitable tonight. Thunderbolt does rush off to investigate because he senses something familiar. So at least the Hex Bolt is being cautious instead of lazy. And maybe Johnny isn't being lazy but have you seen the way he's drawn? It's not like he's in a hurry for anything except maybe a nap. Meanwhile, a new program has popped up: Current Affairs Spotlight. It's basically the Kulak version of Fox News, reporting questions that they don't really want to answer but by simply asking them causes their audience to distrust the subject of the questions. On a related note, Sean Hannity is a huge piece of shit.

I mean, they do have "society" in their name. They were just asking for the socialist accusation.

Alan Scott smashes the television and flies off in a rage. I guess I know who else was watching that program and believed every bit of it because his traumatic brain injury causes problems with his ability to assess the validity of facts over propaganda! It seems like I know a lot of people like that these days. I forgot Alan Scott runs a television station until he starts complaining about the propaganda airing on his station. He says, "I don't think that Molly should be censoring programming, but the station should have some standards. And she knows that report is sensational nonsense." Welcome to modern media, Alan! It's no longer up to the standards of the station to decide what bullshit should be shoveled onto the viewing public! Now it's just about how much money can be made on advertising while espousing some kind of freedom of speech fair exchange of ideas nonsense! It's exactly the problem that has been exploited by people who actually want less free speech. You muddy and obfuscate the truth by putting out whatever outlandish bullshit you can come up with and then if a station refuses to air it, you claim they're biased toward the side of the political spectrum you're trying to fuck over with your bullshit. I mean, that's Fox News. The other stations are the ones that have been cowed by Fox News into being horrible both sides news vehicles. Guy Gardner attacks Alan on the way to the television station because Guy was watching the show, of course. Remember, random television news broadcasts was once how super heroes got all of their breaking news alerts! How could they fight crime otherwise?!

A man with a traumatic brain injury has the same general understanding of fascism and political theory as the average Fox News viewer.

Guy Gardner doesn't make a wood weakness joke because he doesn't know about Alan Scott. Len's idea for this battle was probably, "Guy can only beat Green Lanterns because he's cheating using that yellow ring! But now let's see him fight a fair fight against a Green Lantern!" Which is exactly what happens! Alan Scott gives Guy a lesson on how to be a Green Lantern. I'm sure later, when Guy isn't being manipulated by Kulak, he'll process the information and accept it as wise words and valued experience from an old timer. Or he'll just vent and fume and look for an occasion to get even with him. After defeating Guy, all of the normal people on the street begin attacking the Justice Society and calling them fascists and commies. I'll accept their gullibility because it was caused by sorcery. Otherwise I'd be rolling my eyes at, once again, every regular citizen of the DC Universe being bamboozled by some demagogue. Hawkman drives up to save the day but instead just drives everybody right into Kulak's clutches.

I am surprised that Thunderbolt being driven on a stake through his asshole made it into a Comics Code Authority book.

Justice Society of America #9 Rating: B+. Sure Guy Gardner got his ass kicked like usual but at least Guy Gardner was in the comic book! That totally made it worth it to me! Except for how he was portrayed and the lines they gave him and the assumption that everybody thinks he's stupid and the idea that his only redeeming quality is being tough. But he looked like Guy and they called him Guy and he made some yellow rockets with his ring! So cool!

[complicatedandstained]

The Other Day at Hot Topic: Do No Harm

It feels a little bit like the role of Vanitas has been recast halfway through their shift. 

The guy has started doing his work like a regular human being, going as far as offering to help Roxas finish restocking the piercing display and then not giving him shit about it. 

Although, to be fair, this could be because Vanitas was losing patience. Roxas, admittedly, has absolutely and entirely no idea what he is doing. Aqua had assumed Roxas knew a lot more about which metal stabs through which piece of skin than he does. 

Actually, Vanitas has taken to not talking to Roxas at all. He has his headphones back on and, if his volume is any indication, is doing his damnedest to broadcast his music throughout the entire store. Roxas has to refrain from singing along when Fall Out Boy comes on. 

But either way Roxas slices it, it’s a definite improvement. 

And then this super old man comes in, chugging along on a walker with balloons tied to his wrist. Orbiting him is a chattering, hyperactive, wholesomely chubby child, the kind of child you kind of want to hug. 

The old man has a scowl etched onto his face like it’s been there a while. He almost immediately begins to grumble about the low lighting and the loud music and the tight spaces between the aisles that make navigation with a walker near impossible. 

The child is wearing an extremely yellow Wilderness Explorer uniform, and explore he does—every square inch of the store seemingly all at once. He bumps off of display cases and walls like a human pinball, poking at the cheeks of stuffed animals and brushing his hands through the fabrics.

The old man continues his complaining from the front as he eyes the display cases, muttering about the dark colors and the flimsy material and the skimpy cuts. 

Vanitas keeps glancing between the two of them from his station near Anime where he’s restocking the Hello Kitty plush. Roxas imagines he’s examining camera angles, trying to decide who would be easier to take out first. Another glare the old man’s direction, and Roxas decides to step in, before his coworker does.

“Hey there! After anything in particular today?” Roxas asks. He’s halfway through adding new buttons to the magnetic boards of the display case by the register, and he holds out a handful with a smile. “Button?”

The old man looks taken aback. “Thanks, but,” the old man offers a quiet smile in return, tugging at the lapel of a worn suit jacket, where he has a round, pop bottle cap of his own pinned, “I have the only button I need.” 

Roxas feels a strange tingling in his chest at the sudden softness in the gruff man’s tone. Someone special must have given it to him. For a split second Roxas pictures Axel, hands splayed, eyes bright, telling him about stained glass windows.  

The conversation shatters as a childlike someone shouts, “I found it! I found it!” followed immediately by the sound of several hundred small boxes crashing down, and then a delayed, much quieter, “Uh-oh.”

“Russell…” the old man groans, shutting his eyes. 

The old man has stopped near the entrance, as he cannot easily navigate the tight passages between Hot Topic’s displays, so Roxas nods to him. “I’ll make sure he’s alright.”  

Roxas power walks through the aisles, until he gets to the wall-length Funko Pop display. Half a shelf is on the floor between Vanitas and the chubby, adorable scout, who has a single box clutched to his chest.

“This is the one!” The child beams and waves the box close enough to Vanitas face that Roxas is concerned the kid will lose a finger. “The Snipe! I found it!” 

Roxas freezes as Vanitas’ face twitches. With rigid movements the guy yanks down his headphones, says flatly, “Congratulations.”

Compared to all the potential curse words Roxas feared would leave his mouth, Roxas considers this reply basically praiseworthy. 

Vanitas eyes flit down to the mess again, his arms crossing, and the kid notices. 

“I am sorry about the mess,” Russell says, his bright voice painstakingly articulate, like maybe English isn’t his first language. Russell frowns, his dark eyebrows dipping low, troubled, dimples appearing in his round cheeks. “I will help you clean it up though!”  

Roxas takes a step forward, fully prepared to bodily restrain Vanitas if need be. 

“Psh.” Vanitas swats his hand toward the pile dismissively. “I’ve seen worse.”

Roxas is ready to give Vanitas a promotion at this point.

“Why don’t you go show Gramps your weird-as—weird-butt...bird thing.” 

“Okay!” Russell nods purposefully and then frowns, laughs. “Mr. Fredrickson is not my Grandpa though.” Vanitas’ face scrunches in mild confusion. “Oh?”

“Mr. Fredrickson is my best friend.” 

This is perhaps the single sweetest and saddest thing Roxas has ever heard.

With another radiant smile missing a couple key teeth, the child hugs his find to his chest once more and toddles off to the front of the store, chattering to the box, “I think I’ll call you ‘Kevin.’”

And for just a second, before Vanitas slips his headphones back on, with a slightly miffed shake of his head, Roxas thinks he sees Vanitas smile. 

*

Vanitas’ headphones have been off for a half hour now. Once Roxas had checked out Russell and Mr. Fredrickson, the Hot Topic workers set to doing serious damage control on the Pop Funkos. This entailed extensive sorting by platform, movie, and sale price, and some minor bickering about characters belong where, which made it abundantly clear that Roxas is the bigger nerd of the two and that Vanitas knows a weird amount about Star Wars.  

“God.” Vanitas passes Roxas the last couple obscure collectibles and whines, “Ordinarily, I’d just shove them all back on the shelf, and be done with it. Fucking kid. Fucking Axel. Fucking…” He leans forward to fix the one box threatening to fall back over. 

Roxas had thought Vanitas wanted to get fired, and now suddenly he’s vying for employee of the month. He shakes his head, sliding a hand in his pocket and looking out across the empty store.  “I don’t get you.”  

Vanitas lifts an angry-looking Hello Kitty penguin plush from the ground beside him and stares into its eyes like he sees some wisdom there. “You think I should just shut up and do my job, right?”

For a second Roxas wonders what the chances are that Vanitas hadn’t heard him and is simply talking to the penguin, but he decides those chances are fairly low. “It’d be easier…” Roxas mutters, fishing a few furry Chococat eye masks out of a cardboard box on the floor to help Vanitas with the display. 

“Wrong. You want to know why I wanted to get fired? This ‘job’ is a waste of my fucking time. I should be studying, interning. Literally scratching my eyeballs out would be more productive than this.” He lifts a Hello Kitty plush dressed as a cheeseburger up and shoves it in Roxas’ face like he’s trying to suffocate him and the plushie both.

Roxas rolls his eyes, and pushes Cheeseburger Kitty away. “Yeah, I’m sure the eyeball scratching pay is great…” I’ll ask Xion’s cat and get back to you.

“Ugh.” Vanitas adjusts a stack of Hello Kitty notebooks (regrettably not burger-themed) and accepts a handful of cat head topped gel pens from Roxas to add to the display cup beside it. This done he glowers at Roxas impatiently. “I forgot you don’t know shit. Look. I didn’t work my ass off getting a full ride to med school to wind up slaving away next to a bunch of sexually frustrated, punk wannabes.”

Roxas should be more offended about the last bit, but his brain gets stuck elsewhere. “You’re in med school?” A smile hits him in spite of himself. “Did they not warn you about the Hippocratic Oath?” 

Vanitas rams his shoulder into Roxas’ not hard enough to hurt, not light enough to be friendly. “Shut the fuck up.” Roxas considers Vanitas’ situation again, wondering why Vanitas is opening up to him now. “So, if you got a full ride, why work here?”

Vanitas sighs and shifts a few Sanrio nail polish sets over, then checks his own glossy white paint. “How much do you know about Xemnas?” Roxas glances up from his digging through the box. “The sexiest man alive?” Vanitas cringes, his fists balling up. “I fucking hate this place.”

“You…” Roxas hands him a couple more boxes of the polish sets, “disagree?” 

“He’s my uncle,” Vanitas says with venom. “He recently collected the family inheritance. He’s only in his thirties, and now he’s rich. Like, the filthy kind.” 

“Oh.” Roxas feels an uncomfortable pang his chest. Basically, Vanitas is telling him someone in his family recently died. So, either Vanitas is actually upset about that, or Vanitas didn’t know them that well and is just pissed he got the short end of the stick. But wouldn’t Vanitas’ parents have been next in line? Maybe they’d all been skipped?  “I’m sorry.” 

Vanitas doesn’t seem to hear him, pushes on, “Dear Uncle Xemnas is supposed to be helping me pay my rent and my bills, but he’s gotten it into his head that I need to learn to ‘be responsible’ and ‘make friends’ and all that elementary school bullshit. So now I’m working this stupid fucking minimum wage job. And if I don’t, I’m on my own.” 

Vanitas isn’t even looking at him anymore, he’s gripping the metal shelf of the display so hard his knuckles have gone bloodless. The sleeve of his blazer has slipped down, and Roxas can see tattoos running up from his wrist, red and blue veins, like his skin’s been flipped inside out. Med school, huh? Inheritance, suspension, friends… 

Roxas wonders if maybe Vanitas was just in desperate need of someone to dump this to. But why me? And how misanthropic do you have to be for your sexy uncle to blackmail you into having coworkers?

Then again, he did try to punch me in the face.  

“I mean…” Roxas considers patting Vanitas on the back with the Hello Kitty in his hand, but stops himself because he doesn’t want either to be ripped to shreds. “That doesn’t sound so bad.”

Vanitas whirls on him, face contorting. Roxas congratulates himself on the instinct not to give the guy a soothing pat. 

“You would say that. It’s fucking ridiculous. So what if I almost got suspended? I didn’t. So what if I don’t have any friends? I don’t need them.” Vanitas has gotten up in Roxas’ space again, the words harsh and direct, straight in his face. Roxas can feel a little spit fly. Roxas takes a long look at him, taking in what he’s heard, and maybe it’s just because Vanitas reminds him so much of a young Sora throwing a temper tantrum, or maybe it’s the two fights they’ve had earlier, but Roxas can’t bring himself to be angry with the guy any more. In fact, he’s starting to pity him a little bit. Roxas stares levelly, offers calmly, “Maybe friends would help.” 

Vanitas sneers, seizes Roxas’ shirt in his fists. Roxas lets him. 

“Wake up, sunshine. You’re not in elementary school anymore. Friendship isn’t magic. People always let you down. They let you down or they leave. Axel’s going to let you down. It’s better not to get attached.” Vanitas shoves Roxas’ chest and stalks off a few steps, but Roxas, being a black belt, catches himself easily, which seems to piss Vanitas off further when he glances back to see him still standing there. 

“You’re right,” Roxas says. 

“Huh?”

“Nobody’s perfect.” One of Roxas’ hands leave his pockets, lifts in a shrug. “Sometimes my best friends screw up. Sometimes they screw up a lot.” He almost laughs, thinking of Hayner, how many times he’s had to climb out of bed to pick him up, stumbling drunk. “But so do I.” I mean I dated Seifer, for Pete’s sake. He hadn’t thought anyone would forgive him for that, but, somehow, they had. “And at the end of the day, isn’t it enough that they care about me and that they tried?”

Roxas shifts his other hand out of its pocket, bringing a pack of Pop Rocks with it. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with Axel. Maybe he is going to hurt me, but maybe our friendship is going to be amazing. I’m not going to let maybe stop me from trying. And neither should you.” 

“Ugh.” Vanitas runs his fingers down his face like he’s trying to scrub it clean. But when he drops them his tone seems more level, “Forget the advice, you’re a hopeless sap.”  

Roxas smiles sadly. “Whatever you say, Vanitas.”

Vanitas eyes him, more wary than annoyed. “You’re setting yourself up for disappointment.”

Roxas shrugs. “Maybe I am. What about Aqua?”

Vanitas stiffens. Roxas feels like he’s just watched his defenses go up, an invisible shield. 

Vanitas flexes his hand against the stuffed animal he’s holding a few times. “What about her?” he says at last.

Roxas keeps his words soft, “You guys are friends, aren’t you?”

“She’s not my friend,” Vanitas counters, words quiet but forceful. His nostrils flare, staring at Roxas and then he turns sharply, like he doesn’t want to look at Roxas anymore, and goes back to shoving stuffed animals onto a shelf with unnecessary force. “She’s a hopeless sap like you. That’s why I’m standing here balls deep in Hello Kitty merch. Doing my fucking job. Tell Axel that.”

Roxas has no idea what to make of this. There’s obviously a lot of shit going down with Vanitas that he doesn’t know the first thing about. He decides it’s time to tap out. Defuse this situation before Vanitas makes with the punching again. 

Vanitas is still waiting for a reply. 

Roxas frowns a bit. “The Hello Kitty thing, or...?”

Vanitas takes a step forward, like a bull stomping its foot before the charge. 

Roxas raises his hands in surrender accordingly. “Okay, okay. I’ll tell him you were doing your damn job. Gees.”

There’s a tense moment as Vanitas considers Roxas’ sincerity and then he nods. “Thank you.” He tosses another Cheeseburger Kitty at Roxas’ face.  “Now fuck off.”

[hellyeahheroes]

Building Kara Zor-El in D&D 5e

What? I haven’t done one of these in a while and I had a few done (check out the Masterpost). So why not, it’s Halloween (I was working on this whole night), let’s build someone many kids want to be and quite a few likely dressed up as for Halloween. Admittingly this might be a bit standing the boundaries of “more obscure characters than Tulok the Barbarian does”, buuut seeing how he hasn’t yet got around building her more popular cousin, I’m not exactly expecting her build from him soon. Anyway, why not surprise your DM on Halloween game or later and come with a sheet for Girl of Steel?

First, let us state our goals for this build. First, we need to be able to fly, use heat vision, cold breath, super hearing, and sight. Second, we need to be able to punch and take a hit as well. Finally, we need to ensure Kara is an inspiring hero other can look up to.

For Ability Scores, I’ll be sticking to standard point array - 15, 14, 13, 12, 10, 8, if your DM would you rather use a point-buy or roll, consider these to be the guidelines.

Strength: 15, Kryptonians are known for their physical might

Dexterity: 12, Kara usually isn’t wearing armor and is known for her speed and reflexes.

Constitution: 13, you’re Girl of Steel, not Woman of Kleenex (watch no one gt or care for this outdated reference and make me feel older than dirt -.-)

Intelligence: 8, Kara is pretty bright but her education was Kryptonian, meaning she had some trouble catching on what humanity knows and what it doesn’t, in some continuities at least

Wisdom: 10, Kara is often shown as more reckless and impulsive than her cousin, but her heightened Kryptonian senses mitigate it a bit.

Charisma: 14, the second-highest stat. Kara is beloved by people, has a reputation of a sweetheart, is inspiring to many and you kinda need this to pull off that whole “secret identity” thing.

There is no Kryptonian Race in 5e. There are two races I’ve been thinking off for this. Aasimar has more thematic sense but since Half-Elf makes it easier to mitigate the inherent MADness (MAD - Multiple Ability Dependent) of playing a Supergirl, it will work better for our purposes. You get +2 to Charisma and +1 to two other Ability Scores of your choice, round up Strength and Constitution to start with 2 16s and a 14. You have an advantage for saving throws against being Charmed, helping us mitigate a bit that poor WIS save. You get Darkvision, allowing you to see in the dim light up to 60 feet as if it was a bright light and in darkness as if it were dim light. You learn Common, Elvish and one language of your choice, pick something Campaign relevant and whatever instrument you want to play when fighting Music Meister. You also get proficiency with two skills of your choice. Pick Persuasion and Perception

For Background we will be picking outlander - you are not from around wherever the campaign is taking place, a wild-eyed idealist in a world that needs more smiles. You gain proficiency with Athletics and Survival, one type of musical instrument and one language of your choice. You also get a Wanderer Feature, which makes you more adept at traveling, better at using maps and gives you an excellent memory.

Now, with this out of the way, let’s go to the bread and butter of D&D, the Classes.

We will kick off with a level in Warlock. Yes, you heard me right. Warlock. The edgelord of all classes. Where are you going, hear me out! I swear I didn’t lose my mind. There is logic to this choice and I will be explaining it in a moment, but first, we need to get a number of Warlock features out of the way. Warlock gets proficiency in Light Armor, Simple Weapons, as well as Charisma and Wisdom saving throws, further helping mitigate that poor WIS score. Add proficiency in two more skills, Investigation to scoop villain plots and Deception for your secret identity.

Warlock gets to have spells. Warlock spells work in that you get a small number of spell slots that go back after every short rest and you can use them to cast any spell you know. As you learn higher level spells to know, your spells are treated as cast from the highest level possible. Cantrips you can cast any number of times you want and they scale up with your level. Your saving throw for spells is 8 + Your Proficiency Bonus + Your Charisma Modifier and if you make a spell attack roll it’s just the last two of those.

You get to learn two Cantrips and two First Level Spells

Let us get the Cold Breath first. Frostbite is a cantrip that forces a target to make a Constitution saving throw or take 1d6 cold damage and get a disadvantage on the next weapon attack roll if it makes one during its next turn. Damage increases by 1d6 on your 5th, 11th and 17th level

Eldritch Blast is the Warlock Cantrip. It sends a beam that requires a ranged spell attack and on hit it deals 1d10 Force Damage to the target. On get to send one more blast at the same or different target as a single casting on 5th, 11th and 17th level. Play it as part of your heat vision or Kara blowing her enemies away with a regular super breath.

Armor of Aghatys lets Kara surround herself with some of her cold breath, giving her 5 extra health points. Additionally, if a creature hits you with a melee attack while you have these hit points, it takes 5 points of cold damage. And for each spell slot level above the first both these numbers increase by 5.

Hellish Rebuke is cast as a reaction when a creature damaged you and lets you burn them with heat vision, taking 2d10 fire damage or half on successful Dexterity saving throw. At higher levels the damage increases by 1d10 each.

Okay, now let us talk about the Otherworldly Patron. And here is why I decided to go with the Warlock. Because there is one that fits perfectly. Celestial Patron means you draw your powers from some sort of celestial being or entity and these are divine in nature. It would fit Kara perfectly if only there was some sort of fitting thing. I mean, t’s not like Kryptonians gain their powers from some sort of body on the celestial pantheon, something great and powerful in the sky, source of their powers is...

OH MY GOD IT’S THE SUN!!!!1!!!!

You’re Sun Warlock, you made a pact with the Sun. Sun had enough of BBEG’s bullshit. If a goldilocks guy with a pair of wings can count as Celestial Patron then I assure you SO CAN AN ACTUAL STAR! Also, I now recall in 4th Edition Stara were actually sentient so who knows, you can work something out of that, maybe such a star survived to a new edition. We even know Stars are sentient and have personifications from one Sandman story.

Celestial Warlock lets you add two spells for each level of your spell list and you learn two extra cantrips:

Light lets you make one object not larger than 10-feet shine a bright light in a 20-foot radius and an additional 20 of dim light. If you cast it on an object held by someone they need to succeed a Dexterity saving throw or drop it. You can always use it to make yourself shine or make something shine as an effect of your heat vision.

Speaking of which, Sacred Flame deals a 1d8 radiant damage to a target, with an additional 1d8 once you reach 5th, 11th and 17th level each, half on a successful Dexterity saving throw.

You also get Healing Light, granting you a pool of 1d6 dice equal 1 + your Warlock Level. You can spend them as a bonus action to heal a creature within 60 feet that you can see. Roll a number of dice, not larger than your Charisma modifier, that’s your upper limit for single use of this feature, then add that many to the creature’s hit points. Once you spend all the die out, you get them back on short rest. Remember, hit points aren’t meat points, they can symbolize also how many chances at avoiding a certain death a hero has or their determination to keep going against overwhelming odds. Play Kara as so heroic and inspirit she reinvigorates her friends for further fight.

ALTERNATIVE: Weird, I wasn’t planning for an alternative here. We’re *zzzzzzzzzzt*-ing to the Celestial, it is only *shhhhh* fitting option. Weird, it seems we have some ---LET ME IN--- problems with the broadcast but don’t worry, I’m sure we fi *scratching noises* it in no time. Why do I suddenly feels like if I someone was standing right behin...DEA--

Well, well, well, what do we have here. You really thought I’m going to let you have something fun and wholesome on Halloween and do not...spice it up a bit. HAHAHAHA! Aren’t you funny? As if I could keep myself from seeing something related to my new...pet projects, and not want to corrupt it.

Forget the Celestial Patron, I have a much better one right here, to truly make your Supergirl a little bit more...Infected. My good old friend Barbatos, a horror trapped in the darkness below all of us. In this game, they call that Great Old One. Instead of some meek Cantrips, I will be freeing Supergirl’s mind from all these pesky limitations and allow her to spread this Infection. She will gain Awakened Mind, allowing her to telepathically communicate with any creature she can see within 30 feet. You may call it super hearing and I will call it the influence of her new master.

But maybe that’s not up to your taste? Maybe you want something more...crispy. Well, you can always ask my new best friend who has his own interest in Supergirl one time. Am I right, buddy?

WHO THE FUCKING JAR OF COCKROACHES STUFFED INTO A FLYING SQUIRREL’S ASS ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU GET MY NUMBER?! ONCE I FIND OUT I WILL BURN ALL THAT LEATHER AND FLESH UNDERNEATH IT TO A GODDAMN CRIPS! THAT WILL TEACH YOU CALLING 3RD IN THE FUCKING MORNING! FUCKING TRICK OR TREATERS!

ANYWAY, IF YOU WANT TO TURN YOUR SUPERGIRL INTO RED DAUGHTER OF KRYPTON, PICK UP FIEND PATRON, THAT WILL BE ME OF COURSE. OR THE BUTCHER, SAME THING AT THE END OF THE FUCKING DAY!

YOU GET DARK ONES’ BLESSING, IT MEANS THAT WHENEVER YOU REDUCE AN OPPONENT TO 0 HEALTH POINTS, YOU GET BACK HEALTH POINTS EQUAL YOUR CHARISMA MODIFIER PLUS YOUR WARLOCK LEVEL! PUNISH THE GUILTY TO KEEP ON FIGHTING!

Ah that Atrocitus. A crude man, but gotta give him that, he sure is excited about his craft. We will be sticking around to make this thing a bit more...fun. Do not tell the fool hosting this. It will be our little secret.

I’m sorry, I must have dozed off, I must been just very tired, but I’m better now. So, where did we left off...

2nd Level Warlock gains Eldritch Invocations. Armor of Shadows maybe is not properly named but you can always refluff something. It allows you to cast Mage Armor on yourself without expending a spell slot. It lets you change AC of yourself or one willing creature to 13+Dexterity modifier, this should help with your poor AC. As you probably use Eldritch Blast a lot as part of your Heat Vision, let's make it a bit hotter - Agonizing Blast lets you add your Charisma modifier to any damage dealt by it.

You also get to learn a new spell. 

Guiding Bolt from Celestial Patron lets you make a ranged Spell Attack against the target. Not only you deal 1d6 radiant damage on a successful hit (+1d6 for each spell slot level above 1st that it was cast from) but also before the end of your next turn next attack against the target gets an advantage since you basically lit the target on fire. Party Rogue is gonna love you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but where is fun in that? How about you instead pick something more...entertaining? Tasha’s Hideous Laughter from Great Old One Patron lets you pick one target and let them show how fun the world really is, make them appreciate how everything doesn’t really matter! Make them laugh so hard they fall prone and cannot stand up! It’s like you sprayed them with some good old Joker Serum, except you need to concentrate to keep it going for up to 1 minute and once you cast it, at the end of each their turn and whenever they’re damaged they make a Wisdom saving throw to break free, that last one with an advantage. So, you know, don’t punch... A Man Who Laughs. YAHAHAHAHA!

WHO THE FUCKS FIGHTS PEOPLE WITH LAUGHTER?! FUCK THAT SHIT! YOU WANNA SPELL? FIRST OF ALL, FUCK YOU AND SECOND, PICK BURNING HANDS FROM FIEND PATRON LIST. DON’T LET THE NAME FOOL YOU, WHAT YOU DO IS SPEW FIRE FROM YOUR MOUTH IN A 15-FOOT CONE AND  DEAL 3D6 FIRE DAMAGE TO EVERYONE IN IT,  HALF ON A FAILED SAVE! YOU CAST IT FROM HIGHER LEVELS, 1D6 EXTRA DAMAGE PER EACH! YOU’RE WELCOME! EVERYTHING FLAMMABLE NOT WORN OR CARRIED IS SET ON FIRE AS WELL! GOOD! BURN IT! BURN IT ALL DOWN!

3rd Level Warlock gets a Pact Boon Feature. Pact of the Chain lets us cast Find Familiar. We can use it to summon a pet to aid Kara in combat. Familiars are very useful if you know what you’re doing (seriously, Party Rogue is gonna love you even more just for using it to flank), once it dies you can summon it again, it can deliver your touch spells and you can sacrifice one of your attacks to let it attack. Sadly, you cannot get Krypto out of it, as dogs aren’t allowed for summon. But a cat is fine. Or in Warlock’s case a flying creature like Imp or Pseudodragon, Sprite or Quasit. First 3 can fly, all but Sprite have an advantage against Spells and Other Magical effects they share with you as long as you’re within 10 feet of them. Your DM shouldn’t probably be mad if you use statistics of one and refluff it as Streaky the Supercat

You also get to learn your first 2nd level Spell.

Celestial Warlock’s Flaming Sphere is a concentration spell you can keep up to 1 minute, it basically makes you cause huge ass fire in an unoccupied area 5-foot in diameter, dealing 2d6 (+1d6 for each higher spell slot level used) of fire damage, half on a successful Dexterity Saving Throw. You can even move it as a bonus action, up to 30 feet, and rise it up to 5 feet above barriers and 10 feet above pits, igniting all not worn or carried flammable objects, causing its damage effects on any creature you ram it into. More of your heat vision, really.

WHY DIDN’T I GOT THIS THING?! WHO THE FUCK WROTE THAT?! NEVERMIND, I HAVE SOMETHING AS GOOD! SCORCHING RAY LETS YOU MAKE 3 RAYS OF FIRE YOU CAN HURL AT A SINGLE OR MULTIPLE TARGETS, EACH DEALING 3D6 POINTS OF DAMAGE ON A SUCCESSFUL SPELL ATTACK ROLL! CAST IT FROM HIGHER LEVELS, YOU GET MORE RAYS, ONE PER SPELL SLOT LEVEL!

Personally, I just couldn’t resist picking  Crown of Madness. It lets you force a Wisdom Saving Throw on a target and if they fail they get Charmed and go mad. They even get a crown of jagged iron on their heads. You can keep it up for up to 1 minute with concentration and on each of its turns, you choose a target your victim must attack. Sadly it has few downsides - you must waste your actions on your turns to maintain the effects, the target makes another WIS save on end of each of its turns and they must hit someone before they move and if you do not choose a target or cannot, they can do whatever they want. Still, how can you say no to...spreading the joy?

4th Level Warlock gets an Ability Score Improvement, but we will take a feat. Tavern Brawler increases your unarmed damage die to 1d4, makes you proficient with improvised weapons, when you strike a creature with an unarmed attack or improvised weapon, you can use your bonus action to attempt to grapple the target. You also get to increase Strength or Constitution, I’ll go with the latter.

You also get a new spell AND a new Cantrip

Chill Touch lets you make a ranged spell attack, on a hit it deals 1d8 necrotic damage (plus extra d8s at level 5th, 11th and 17th) and makes the target unable to regain hit points until the start of your next turn and if the target is undead they have a disadvantage on attack rolls against you. More of your freeze breath.

 Shatter lets you make a super noise, I assume a super scream, dealing each creature within 10-foot radius sphere around the target you choose 3d8 thunder damage (+1d8 for each higher level of spell slot), half on a Constitution saving throw, on which all creatures made of inorganic material have a disadvantage on, and also dealing these damage to all nonmagical objects not worn or carried in the area

Now let’s take a move to Paladin and add some strength to all that magic. Kryptonians worshipped Rao, their star, which is close enough to your Patron, THE SUN you should probably not have much of a conflict. Maybe. Combining Patron and an Oath on a single character means that even with similar entities there might be a need to carefully balance the needs of your two masters. GM will either love you for providing such great opportunities for torturing you or hate you for having to come up with what kind of beef Rao and the fucking Sun could have.

Paladin gets you proficiency with martial weapons, medium armor and shields if you want to have your Kara in Lena’s power armor. You also get Divine Sense, allowing you to open awareness to your surroundings and detect any celestial, fiend or undead within 60 feet, as well as the type of that undead and also all areas that have been consecrated or desecrated. You can do it a number of times equal 1+ your CHA modifier and you egin uses after long rest.

You also get Lay on Hands, that allows you to, as a bonus action, restore hit points of you or a creature you touch up to amount equal your Paladin level x5 or you can spend 5 points from the pool to cure one poison or disease affecting the target. Again, treat this as Kara using her warm words and attitude to restore the fighting spirit of your comrades.

2nd Level Paladin gets to pick a fighting style. Mariner adds you +1 to AC and makes your swimming and climbing speed equal your walking speed as long as you’re not wearing armor.

You also get a Divine Smite, letting you burn a spell slot to deal extra radiant damage, 2d8 for 1st level spell slot and 1d8 extra for each higher level of the slot.

You also get Paladin Spells. Your save DC and Spell Attack Bonus are as for Warlock. However, Paladin just knows their spells and after every long rest, when they regain hit points, prepares a number of them equal to Charisma modifier + half your Paladin Level. To cast a spell paladin needs to burn a spell slot of an appropriate or higher level.  Also, you multiclass Warlock and another caster and that’s very simple - you keep an eye on each of their spell slot numbers separately but can use one’s to cast the other’s spells or for other’s features. Meaning you can burn Warlock spell slots to smite. You get 2 Spell slots but you should have at least 3 spell prepared per day so I’ll list 3 spells

Shield of Faith is a concentration spell for up to 10 minutes, providing the target with +2 bonus to AC. It stacks with Mariner and Mage Armor, meaning your AC can be up to 17 now.

Thunderous Smite is another concentration spell, it lets you on your next attack while you maintain the spell to punch someone so hard you cause huge sound wave, deal extra 2d6 damage to the target and forces them to succeed a Constitution saving throw or be pushed 10 feet away or be knocked prone.

Heroism lets you make yourself or other creature immune to being frightened and gain temporary hit points equal to your Charisma modifier. Casting from higher levels lets you pick up multiple targets for one spell.

Thunderous Smite in action.

On 3rd Level Paladin gets the Divine Health, making Kara immune to Earth diseases. You also get to choose the Divine Oath. Every Oath has rules you must follow and gains bonuses and extra spells known you can prepare.

Oath of Heroism from Unearthed Arcana is about embracing your heroic call. It’s basically built for He-Man types but it will work for Kara as well. 

You get a new spell to know - Expeditious Retreat is a Concentration spell, letting you Dash as a bonus action on each of your turns as long as you maintain it. Adds a bit of super speed to the mix.

You also get Channel Divinity,  which you can use once every long or short rest. You gain two options, both activated as a bonus action. Pearless Athlete lets you gain advantage on Athletics and Acrobatics checks, while Legendary Strike makes you crit on 19 or 20 instead of just 20 for 1 minute.

Bah, who would want that boring, tied, goody-two-shoes crap. Choose the Oath of Conquest instead. I’m not much a guy for the rules myself, but you may like the stuff Oath of Conquest has to offer 

For your new spell, choose Wrathful Smite. it works similar to Thunderous Smite, but deals psychic damage and the target hit must make Wisdom saving throw or be frightened of you.

Channel Divinity options are also better. Conquering Presence as an action forces each creature of your choice within 30 feet, as long as you can see them, to make a Wisdom saving throw or be frightened of you for 1 minute or until they succeed a save at the end of their turn. It’s like the Smite I just gave you...but you don’t need to get your hands dirty. Meanwhile Guided Strike lets you add +10 to an attack roll, you can choose to do it after you’ve rolled but before DM declares if it’s a hit or a miss.

UNSURPRISINGLY, I SEE ONLY ONE OATH WORTH MY TIME! OATH OF VENGEANCE! CHOOSE HUNTER’S MARK FOR A SPELL! REQUIRES CONCENTRATION BUT ONCE YOU MARK A TARGET, YOU DEAL EXTRA 1D6 DAMAGE TO IT WHENEVER YOU HIT THEM AND HAVE AN ADVANTAGE ON PERCEPTION AND SURVIVAL CHECKS TO TRACK THEM DOWN! AND WHEN THEY DROP TO ZERO HIT POINTS, YOU CAN PUT IT ON ANOTHER TARGET AS A BONUS ACTION! 

OW FOR THAT CHANNEL DIVINITY! AS A BONUS ACTION YOU CAN ACTIVATE VOW OF ENMITY, SWEARING YOUR VENGEANCE UPON A TARGET AND GAINING ADVANTAGE ON ATTACK ROLLS AGAINST IT FOR 1 MINUTE, UNTIL IT DROPS TO ZERO OR FALLS UNCONSCIOUS! FOR AN ACTION YOU CAN ABJURE ENEMY, FORCING A WISDOM SAVING THROW ON ONE TARGET! IF FAILED, THEY’RE FRIGHTENED FOR 1 MINUTE OR UNTIL IT TAKES DAMAGE AND IT’S SPEED IS REDUCED TO 0 AND CANNOT BE INCREASED! ON A SUCCESS ITS SPEED IS HALVED FOR THE SAME DURATION!

4th Level Paladin gains an Ability Score Improvement or a Feat. Resilient lets us round up Constitution and makes us proficient with Constitution saving throws.

5th Level Paladin gains an Extra Attack, letting you attack twice as an attack action and can now use 2nd level spells and one 1st level spell

Our 1st Level Spell will be Protection from Evil and Good. Up to 10 minutes on Concentration it grants all creatures of a chosen type - Celestial, Fiend, Fey, Undead, Elemental or Aberration - get a disadvantage on attacks against you, or another person you used it on, and are unable to charm, frighten or possess you. If the target already was under one of these effects,  it gains advantage on saving throws to break free.

Enhance Ability is a concentration spell from Oath of Heroism list, up to 1 hour of duration, giving an advantage on checks for one ability score and some extra bonuses depending on your choice.

Find Steed lets you summon a steed you can ride on. Sadly you’re too big to ride Krypto but, well, Comet the Superhorse exists. While riding him you can make any spell affecting you also affect him, you can communicate with him telepathically and if he dies he is sent back to whichever dimension you called him from and you can summon a new one. So that is a thing.

Yeah, ignore any of that. A horse, that guy is crazier than I am. Hold Person from Oath of Conquest lets you paralyze a target for up to 1 minute on concentration or if they succeed a saving throw. Immobilize them and then finish them off, while they watch hopelessly. That’s true fun!

WHILE THIS IS INDEED A GOOD SPELL, SINCE IT IS ON MY LIST TOO, I HAVE A BETTER IDEA! MISTY STEP LETS YOU TELEPORT UP TO 30 FEET IN AN UNOCCUPIED SPACE YOU CAN SEE! YOU WANTED SUPER SPEED?! HERE!

Back to Warlock. 5th Level Warlock gains a new Eldritch Invocation - Eldritch Spear increases the range of your Eldritch Blast to 300 feet. We will swap it for something more climactic next time we take the Invocations. You get access to 3rd Level Spells. Fly. Grab Fly. You are Supergirl and Supergirls just fly. It's a concentration spell and lasts up to 10 minutes, gives you a flying speed of 60 feet.

Weird, I was expecting to have this strange interruption here. Maybe they’re gone? I hope so.

6th Level Warlock gets otherworld Patron Feature and a new Spell. 

Celestial Warlock gains Radiant Soul - resistance to radiant damage and adds their Charisma modifier to spells that deal flame and radiant damage, which we have a lot. For a spell pick Counterspell, which lets you as a reaction interrupt one spell of level 3rd or less and if you want to stop a higher-level spell you need to pass a Charisma check at DC 10+Spell Level

Great Old One Warlock meanwhile gets Entropic Ward, which once per long or short rest lets you impose a disadvantage on an attack against you and until the end of your next turn grants you an advantage on the next attack against them if they miss. For bonus points be a meanie and say “look what you made me do” when you use it. For a spell, Fear is a Concentation one, that forces a Wisdom saving throw on each creature in a 30-foot cone. On failed save, they’re frightened and up for 1 minute or until you break concentration must take Dash action to get away from you and can only make another save once they no longer see you.

FIEND WARLOCK GAINS DARK ONE’S OWN LUCK! ONCE EVERY LONG OR SHORT REST YOU CAN CHOOSE TO ROLL A 1D10 AND ADD THE RESULT TO AN ABILITY CHECK OR A SAVING THROW. AND FOR THE SPELL CHOOSE FIREBALL. IT LETS YOU HURL A FIREBALL AT ANY POINT YOU CAN SEE AND THEN EVERYTHING WITHIN 20-FEET RADIUS GETS HIT BY AN EXPLOSION OF FIRE THAT DEALS 8D6 FIRE DAMAGE, HALF ON A SUCCESSFUL DEXTERITY SAVE! HIGHER LEVELS FROM WHICH YOU CAST? MORE D6S, 1 PER EACH! GREATEST SPELL IN THIS STUPID GAME! DO NOT LISTEN TO THESE FOOLS! THEY’LL TRY TO TELL YOU THERE IS MORE TO MAGIC THAN A FIREBALL! TO WHICH I SAY, BRAVE WORDS FOR SOMEONE WITHIN THE FIREBALL RANGE!

7th Level Warlock gets to pick another Eldritch Invocation and we can change our Eldritch Spear to another one, since there are two 7th level ones we want. Ghostly Gaze lets you once per short or long rest see through solid objects, it is a concentration effect. Trickster's Escape allows you to cast Freedom of Movement on yourself without expending a spell slot once per long rest. For 1 hour, no concentration, you or another creature ignores different terrain, no magical effects can reduce your speed, you cannot be paralyzed or restrained by magic and you can escape nonmagical restraints by spending 5 feet of movement and underwater you are not impaired when moving or fighting underwater.

ALTERNATIVE: New Warlock Eldritch Invocation from Unearthed Arcana, Investment of the Chain Master, allows you to sacrifice some of your own power and instead have Streaky the Supercat be an actual cat - when you cast Find Familiar you can grant the familiar flying or swimming speed of 40 feet, removes its need to breathe, makes their attack be treated as magical weapons and lets you substitute your Spell Save Difficulty instead of theirs whenever they force a creature to make a saving throw.

8th level Warlock gets Ability Score Improvement, increase your Charisma.

On both 7th and 8th levels you gain two new Spells and access to 4th level spells.

Elemental Bane forces a Constitution saving throw on a target and if they fail up to 1 minute they lose resistance they had to a chosen type of damage, say fire, and take an extra 2d6 of damage whenever they’re taking that type of damage. Sadly it is concentration.

Wall of Fire is also Concentration, it creates a 60 feet long, 20 feet high ad1 feet thick wall or a 20 feet in diameter, 20 feet high, 1 feet thick ring of fire, dealing 5d8 fire damage to all creatures within the area, half on a successful Dexterity saving throw, and any creature that ends its turn within 10 feet on the side of the wall you choose takes 5d8 fire damage, with no save. It’s a bonus spell from Celestial...

..AND FIEND WARLOCK! THESE ARE GOOD SPELLS, I SHALL STICK TO THEM!

Well, I will not. Forget these two, let’s make something more...creative.

Blight kills the moisture within the target, dealing 8d8 necrotic damage, half on a succesfull Constitution save.

Evard’s Black Tentacles turn a 20-foot square you can see into a difficult terrain and any creature that starts or finishes its turn on it must succeed a Dexterity saving throw or take 3d6 bludgeoning damage and be restrained. If it already is restrained it doesn’t get the save, just the damage. On concentration, spell lasts up to 1 minute. How do you explain this one? Your Supergirl is just so twisted, of course! It doesn’t make sense but...does it need to?

How Supergirl probably looks casting Wall of Fire...or any fire-based spell we gave her

Back to Paladin for the rest of the build. 6th level Paladin gets Aura of Protection - as long as you’re conscious you and your allies within 10 feet add your Charisma modifier to their saving throws.

At 7th level you get a new Spell, Aid lets you choose 3 friendly creatures within 30 feet and strengthen their resolve, granting them 5 extra hit points for the next 8 hours + 5 more per each higher level of the spell you cast this from. No concentration and hit points can get over their maximum number, meaning you can cast this before combat.

You also gain Sacred Oath Feature

Mighty Deed is Oath of Heroism feature that you can use once per turn whenever you score a critical hit or reduce a creature to a 0 hit points, you can choose a number of creatures you can see up to your Charisma modifier. You can either decide to restore 1d6+your Charisma modifier of their health points or force them to succeed a Wisdom saving throw or be frightened of you until the start of your next turn.

I can do it better. Oath of Conquest’s Aura of Conquest that extends 10 feet from you and makes it that every creature that is frightened of you within the aura, their speed is reduced to 0 and every time they start their turn within the aura, they take psychic damage equal to half your Paladin level.

OATH OF VENGEANCE MAKES YOU THE RELENTLESS AVENGER! YOU CAN NOW MOVE TO INTERCEPT THE GUILTY’S ESCAPE! WHEN YOU HIT A CREATURE WITH OPPORTUNITY ATTACK, YOU CAN MOVE UP TO HALF OF YOUR SPEED AS A PART OF THE SAME REACTION AND WITHOUT PROVOKING OPPORTUNITY ATTACKS YOURSELF!

9th Level Paladin gains access to 3rd level spells. Oath of Heroism AND OATH OF VENGEANCE gains you two following spells

Haste lets you choose yourself or a creature you can see within the range. Up to 1 minute, requiring Concentration to maintain, the spell doubles the target’s speed, grants +2 to AC, advantage on Dexterity saving throws and a bonus action that can be used to make an extra attack action, dash, disengage, hide or use object. When the spell ends, the target cannot take any actions for a turn.

Protection from Energy is a Concentration spell up to 1 hour of duration, granting resistance to acid, cold, fire, lightning or thunder damage.

Yeah, Oath of Conquest doesn’t get these two. We’ll pick Bestow Curse, another of the Concentration spells lasting up to 1 minuter or until a Remove Curse is cast. The target must succeed a Wisdom saving throw or have to suffer one of the effects: disadvantages on all saving throws or ability checks of chosen ability score, disadvantage on attack rolls against you, being dealt extra 1d8 necrotic damage from all your attacks and spells or having to succeed a Wisdom saving throw at the beginning of its every turn or be forced to waste it doing nothing.

Blinding Smite is another Smite on Concentration spell that you cast and it works with your next attack within 1 minute, dealing extra 2d8 radiant damage and forcing a Constitution Saving Throw or be blinded until the rest of that 1 minute duration.

10th Level Paladin gets Aura of Courage, making you and friendly creatures with 10 feet of you immune to being frightened as long as you’re conscious.

11th Level Paladin gets improved Divine Smite, dealing extra 1d8 radiant Damage on using a Smite. You also get one more spell slot so grab an additional Spell - Crusader’s Mantle. Another Concentration, up to 1 minute, it makes you radiate an aura that boosters the courage of your allies, making them and you deal 1d4 additional radiant damage on all weapon attacks.

Our Capstone is 12th Level Paladin and an Ability Score improvement. You should have maxed your Charisma by now, so boost Strength.

So here we are at the end, with a Celestial Pact Warlock 8/Oath of Heroism Paladin 12. Let’s see how valid this build is. First of all, you have multiple ways to deal with additional damage and it is damage of various types, so you are always prepared and Warlock Spell Slots can be burn for Smiting and be regained on short rest. Warlock Cantrips work well with a large number of Concentration-requiring spells, meaning you aren’t reduced to just punching things while maintaining effects of your spell. You’re also very mobile, having multiple abilities to ensure you will not be impaired on the battlefield. Finally, you have multiple means to revigorate your allies in combat, meaning you can be the inspiring hero whose heroism and smile often let your friends gain the second wind in time of need.

On the downsides, your base damage is 1d4, we didn’t max Strength, meaning you kinda relly on your Smiting and extra damage. While you should have a decent amount of Hit Points, you didn’t max your Constitution and many of your spells require concentration, meaning you often may have it broken and that you have to choose which of Supergirl powers you need at the time. Your number of spell slots is also limited and even with Warlock Slots, there will be the times you will just burn out of them with your reliance on Smite. Finally, while you have a variety of damage types to deal, the majority of them is Fire and Radiant, meaning you will run into enemies that have resistance or outright immunity. And sadly our ability to use Cold Breath is limited and mostly relies on low-level spells.

THIS IS AN EVEN BIGGER PROBLEM WITH MY BUILD! TOO MANY FOOLS THINK THEY CAN HIDE FROM EVERBURNING FIRE!

My build meanwhile is more...controlling. You can multiple abilities to mess with your enemies’ minds, threaten or incapacitate them. You will control the battlefield and sow fear and terror among your enemies...or should I say, victims? Sadly, these abilities grant Wisdom saving throws. So stay away from antagonizing Druids and Monks, they’re no fun anyway.

Overall Supergirl is a strong and surprisingly versatile ally that will make a great addition to many teams. Just remember you cannot save the world alone and get yourself some good allies before you go to save the day.

For example. D&D can make that team actually come true.

ALTERNATIVE:  Since a new Unearthed Arcana came up with an option for Paladin to pick Unarmed Fighting Combat Style, here is a quick guide how to run Kara using it:

When you take your first level of Paladin, Pick Unarmed Fighting. it makes your fists deal 1d6+ your Strength modifier in damage and if you use both hands to fight it changes to 1d8+STR modifier. In addition, whenever you successfully grapple a creature you can deal it 1d4 damage and later whenever you deal damage to a grappled creature, you can add a 1d4 to the roll.

On 4th level replace Tavern Brawler with War Caster, which lets you make Concentration rolls with an advantage and allows to cast spells even when you’re holding something in both hands, like a weapon.  

Spend the rest of your Ability Score improvements increasing Strength and Charisma so that you round them up.

As a result, Kara will be squishier and have worse Concentration checks but she should mitigate the latter with an advantage on those checks and what she loses in defense she gains in the offense.

You have any criticism or advice? Share it and be sure to check the masterpost for my other Builds.

- Admin

[jamr0ck83]

Kick Rocks With That Centrist Nonsense

This post in response to an NPR article discussing the dangers of a divided America during the coronavirus pandemic. Originally, the words below were just supposed to be a reply to a comment regarding said article, but...words tend to get away from me. And they all felt important enough that I should post them in their entirety.

I can agree that the media does seem to portray a larger divide than what might actually exist. Cuz really, 100 people on a sidewalk isn’t a sizable movement; it’s a few people shouting inane mantras and holding up ridiculous (and often insulting) signs who don’t need to be receiving a national platform to broadcast their nonsense. And it troubles me that the mainstream media is more willing to cover a relatively insignificant gathering of armed white people on some state’s capitol steps than report on the vast amounts of incidences of injustice and racist vitriol that people of color are dealing with right now. To me, I know which story seems more concerning. But we keep seeing these protesters on the news in between cuts of Trump babbling incoherently about shining light into the body to kill a virus. I know the media is super concerned about ratings, but what happened to their responsibility to the public to provide us with factual information that we absolutely need to know?

That being said, I respectfully disagree that the crux of our national divide is built upon extremism on both sides and that the proper approach is a more centrist view. Our nation has been divided since before its inception. I think Americans have this notion that we need to “get back” to unity and mutual respect, but it seems to me that this idealized era never happened to begin with if it took so very little for people’s incredibly harmful biases and prejudices to become center stage as they now have. We were never united, and we were never in harmony. Any period of time you might point to as one of evidence that we used to see eye-to-eye on things, I will show you at least one group of people who, at that same time, were facing severe injustices and oppression. America has never been good for everyone; that’s a myth that needs to die, because it prevents us from moving forward in any meaningful way if we’re constantly looking back to a romanticized past.

If you want to blame someone for our intense divide, blame this current presidential administration and the larger Republican Party who refuse to do anything but stand idly by as our democracy implodes. At no point, has Trump tried to unify the country. Why would he? He loves division; he thrives on it! Division is how he was able to get elected to an office he has no business holding. He will never be presidential, he will never be the voice of reason, and he will never consider the needs of the country ahead of his own. He genuinely doesn’t care about any of us, not even his supporters. If it made him more money or got him more power, he would sign off on the literal destruction of any one of us in a heartbeat.

That brings me to my third point, which is that this idea that it’s the extremists on both sides that have made life in America unbearable is patently false. I’m an independent, and I lean pretty left. And the reason I do that is because to not lean left is to align myself with people who are clinging to archaic and bigoted ideas about who deserves to be treated like people and who is unworthy. I say this as someone who used to consider themselves fairly conservative; there is nothing that the right is doing right now that speaks of respect or concern for anyone who doesn’t look or sound like them. When you have a side that has couched themselves in both covert and overt rhetoric that is sexist, racist, and homophobic, you don’t get to claim “to each his own”. When your political and social views demand or dictate that I be stripped of my rights and/or my life, I don’t have any need to consider your position as equally valid as mine. And I don’t owe you compassion or respect if you are actively fighting for my destruction. That’s not hyperbole; that’s exactly what is happening. Black people are being attacked and murdered by police and vigilante citizens at alarming regularity. Kids whose parents are just trying to relocate to a place with opportunity and a chance to survive are locked in cages. The LGBTQ+ community is constantly on the receiving end of violence, are being denied the same rights as other citizens, and are being told that they can’t live a peaceful life that would allow them to be themselves because that makes some people who don’t even know them feel uncomfortable. Women are degraded and minimized to a degree that is appalling, and despite everyone being fully aware that the wage gap exists, people are actually (still) debating whether that’s problematic. And then you have the other side that believes all of these aforementioned things are patently abhorrent and need to be fixed. What middle ground exists within that dynamic? Give black people the right to live but let’s hold back on letting LGBTQ+ people exist with any sense of being full citizens? Let’s keep migrant kids in open pens instead of cages, and don’t give women equal pay but maybe just a slight increase so that they’re now being paid 85¢ for every male dollar as opposed to 81¢? None of that is just nor a fair compromise, because you can’t compromise when you’re fighting for someone’s humanity to be acknowledged. Either it is or it isn’t.

I’ve heard harsh words originating from each side, and that does, indeed, reflect a lack of respect. But I’ve approached many a conservative with the mindset of having a thoughtful exchange of ideas in hopes that we might both understand each other more aptly. And as a result of that, I’ve been insulted, diminished, and literally told to shut up the minute I’ve made a point someone either can’t figure out how to reasonably address or I have indicated that I believe myself to be a knowledgeable human being not looking for their permission to exist. Frankly, I’m done being nice, and I’m done showing compassion in hopes that the other person might be swayed, because they never are. That has often left myself open for verbal abuse for absolutely no reason, and I can’t do that anymore; I shouldn’t be expected to. Sometimes, I HAVE said mean things, and I meant every word of it. I will not ever allow someone to degrade me in the futile hope that I can appeal to their humanity. Because the second you began to treat me as “less-than”, you forfeited your right to see my good nature, and I don’t owe you anything. Especially not when the argument you are making is in support of me not being able to enjoy the liberties and freedoms that are due me.

I often cringe when people make the argument for political centrality, because it honestly feels like a cop-out. A person is willing to forego taking a stance, because they can afford to, usually because their lives don’t depend on it. That’s not a privilege I have. Decisions are being made today that affect me deeply, and I cannot sit back “objectively” to find the middle ground. Either you believe in science or you don’t. Either you think it’s wrong that, in NYC, cops were beating black and brown people in the Bronx and putting them in jail for “failure to social distance” while they politely handed out masks to the white people in Central Park, or you don’t. And if you have to stop for an extensive period of time in order to figure out where you land, it’s already clear that you have not chosen the side that respects all humanity.

This country is an absolute mess, but it’s been a mess in the making for hundreds of years. Every citizen needs to decide what it is they stand for and what kind of country they want to live in. Now. And there can be nothing gradual about whatever shift we need to make. People are suffering. Now. They don’t deserve to be sacrificed just so others who don’t like change don’t feel too inconvenienced. “With all deliberate speed” was a bullshit strategy in the 1950s, and it’s a bullshit strategy now. Cuz we waited 60-plus years, and what has really been accomplished in all of that time? We got schools all over this country never even been integrated. But yet we pat ourselves on the back and call ourselves a post-racial society.

No, fam. Just no.

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